Crazy Adventure
by Feline Freak
Summary: It's crazy. It's insane. It's an adventure. It's the first ever BIONICLE humor fanfic to be written without script. And it's back to haunt the section. It's CA!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Bionicle, which is probably good 'cause otherwhise their adventures would go crazy every time I wake up in a not-so-good mood, like now. But MoN is mine, clear? M-I-N-E! And I don't like when people use characters without my permission!

**Chapter 1  
First Chapter - (You find a better name)**

It was night on Mata Nui and everything was calm. Tahu, the Toa of Fire, also known as "The Human Torch", was walking around meditating on questions that only a mind as great as his could ask. So please don't try to answer them if you don't want to end up in a mad-house.

**Tahu: Hang on! Stop! Rewind! There's something wrong here!**

**-A girl suddenly appears-**

**MoN: Yes?**

**Tahu: There you are Greg, say, what happened to the "trip to Metru Nui" stuff?**

**MoN: Do I look like Greg Farshtey to you?**

**Tahu: Well, you are a human, you are a man...**

**MoN: What?!**

**Tahu: Aren't you a man?**

**MoN: NO WAY! I'M A GIRL!**

**Tahu: Are you Greg Farshtey's personal assistant?**

**MoN: No, I'm the Author's personal assistant.**

**Tahu: Which is Greg Farshtey, he's the one who writes our adventures you know.**

**MoN: Nope, Feline Freak is writing this story.**

**Tahu: Is he a new member of the Lego team? Or is he just someone who writes for Greg?**

**MoN: NO! Greg Farshtey has nothing to do with this! Nor has Lego!**

**Tahu: What? But we're copyrighted! Only Lego has the permission tu use us!**

**MoN: That's what Fanfic sites are made for.**

**Tahu: What?**

**MoN: Stories written by fans, there are already about fifty stories about you guys. And you're losers compared to other topics. Here, look, it's already translated.**

**Tahu: Hey! Some stories are really nice... whoa! What's this? Hey! Some authors treat us as if we were toys that you can move how you want!**

**MoN: ... (A/N: No comment.)**

**Tahu: There are at least five stories with a Me/Gali pairing, don't they know that she likes Onua?**

**MoN: Tahu, we have to get on with the story, scripts aren't allowed.**

**Tahu: Did you know that you need our permission to write a story about us?**

**MoN: No, I never heard that made-up characters have rights.**

**Tahu: We are a special case!**

**MoN: Alright, hang on a sec. -waits a couple of seconds- FF says that you have the first chapter to decide, then he's commanding.**

**Tahu: All right, but what about...**

**MoN: I'm not the author, but I think you will somehow get to Metru Nui. (A/N: After I've finished with you)**

So, Tahu was meditating on questions that only a mind as great as his can ask, like: How much is one plus one? Is two times two five? Is that down there a Bohrok or an extra-large Kohli ball? And so on. He just thinking that maybe one plus one isn't one-hundred and thirty-eight, when Takanuva bumped into him.

"Get off me flashlight!" yelled Tahu at Takanuva, immediately getting angry.

"Who are you? Are you Makuta resurrected from the dead? Are you some new opponent? Or are you just another Toa?" asked Takanuva, paranoic as usual. Someone might object that Takanuva should be able to see Tahu since Tahu just saw him. But five minutes before a bee had flown between Takanuva's eyes, and Takanuva, frightened that it might be a new enemy attacking him, had used his staff to send a jet on light at the bee, blinding himself.

Tahu was now really angry and pushed off Takanuva. Then he jumped up screaming and burned down the island.

"Wow!" said Takanuva, who apart from being paranoic is also a bootlicker. "You're the best! The strongest of the Toa! Do that again! I want to see your triple fireball with boomerang and bouncing effect!"

Tahu, swelled his chest with pride and did what Takanuva had asked, the three fireballs bounced around the burned island and came back as the boomerang effect set in, burning Tahu and Takanuva and Jaller, who was walking around there to check that everybody was doing his duty.

"Weeeeee!" yelled Takanuva. "You're the greatest and strongest of all the Toa! If there was a contest, you'd come first in everything! I'm sure about that! Please, my master! Let me kiss your feet! Taka taka."

**Takanuva: I'm not a bootlicker, and I'd never kiss Tahu's feet, they stink.**

**MoN: So that's what the smell was.**

**Takanuva: Hey! You're not Greg Farshtey!**

**MoN: Tahu will explain you everything later.**

**Takanuva: And what's the taka taka thing?**

**MoN: Compare with gollum gollum.**

Tahu let Takanuva lick- sorry, kiss his feet (Takanuva can't see, but he can still smell), then he said, "Stand up, my servant, and get me a coke from the human world.

"But, master, I can't swim that far and I smashed my vehicle on the door of Makuta's chamber!"

"How do you dare to disobey me! Just do it!"

"Yes, my master."

**Tahu: If the story goes on this tone, then forget my permission.**

**MoN: Feline Freak, or FF, was just doing a couple of tests, now comes the good part.**

Takanuva started walking towards the center of the island, when suddenly he remembered something.

"My master! There's a party tonight at Ga-Koro! All the ga-villagers will walk around in bikinis."

"What?!" roared Tahu, "There's a party tonight and I haven't been informed?"

"Vakama tried, but you were meditating about whether the Toa are six or thirty-five."

"You forgot to say, my master, my lord or sir."

"Sorry, sir! It'll never happen again sir!"

"I forgive you, and now, let's go to the party."

With that, the two Toa set off towards Ga-Koro, Tahu on the lead and Takanuva following the smell of his feet.

**MoN: So, it's time for you to decide, do I have your permission, yes or no?**

**Takanuva: Yes, yes and yes!**

**Tahu: NO!**

**Takanuva: Aww, Tahu come on! Ga-matorans in bikinis are fun to see!**

**Tahu: Yes, that's true but...**

**MoN: All right, then that's settled!**

**Tahu: I didn't say yes!**

**MoN: Yes you did! Just know and two lines above!**

**Tahu: Grrrrrrrrrrrr.**

**Jaller: Yeah! I'll finally see Hahli in bikini!  
**

* * *

**  
**

******Note: This story is NOT written in script. It looks like it is, but the parts written in script are made like that only to prevent confusion. I'm not sure wether it's allowed, if it's not, then I'll remove this story.**

******Next Chapter: Party! (or better: Don't read this.)**


	2. Party time!

Disclaimer: See bottom of the chapter.

** Ch.2  
Party!**

So Tahu, a blind Takanuva, Jaller and MoN started their journey towards Ga-Koro.

**Tahu: I thought MoN wasn't part of the story.**

**MoN: Yes I am, this way we don't get so much script.**

They had been travelling for two weeks through the burned down island when something struck Jaller.

"Uh, guys," he said. "I've just realized something."

"About time." mumbled MoN.

"We've been travelling for two weeks. So we've stayed away from our duties for fourteen days!"

"Right! And that's 336 hours, 20,160 minutes, 1,209,600 seconds and 0.466666... months. What's the fraction of 0.4666666...?"(A/N: I haven't figured out how to put lines on top of numbers.)asked a quite-fat woman that had just materialized in front of the group. Hearing those number, Jaller fainted thinking of how much time they he had stayed away from his duty.

"What?" asked Tahu.

"Shit," mumbled MoN.

"You weren't listening again were you?" said the woman. "I just said that 14:30 is 0.46666..., so what's the fraction of 0.466666...?"

"Uh, 14/30?" answered MoN.

"Who the heck is that?" asked Tahu.

"FF's maths teacher."

"What's a math teacher doing here?"

"No, idea, but this could get nasty."

Since they still had to find Ga-Koro and Jaller was still unconscious, Tahu threw him on to his shoulders and then they resumed their journey. After another two hours MoN finally decided to take word.

"Don't you realize that the island has been burned to ashes? There is no ga-koro anymore!!!" she shouted.

"Oops, true." said Takanuva.

"What? Ga-Koro was destroyed?" asked Jaller, waking up in that moment.

"Yes..."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo! That means that Hahli is dead! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!;; Hahliiii!"

"One, two, three, four, five..."

"What's that teacher counting?" asked Takanuva.

"twelve, thirteen, fourteen...."

"Don't ask me." said MoN.

"thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two. Thrty-two tears fill a teaspoon. A teaspoon contains 20cl of water. What's the volume (in inches³) of a teardrop?"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" wailed Jaller.

While Jaller was wailing and everybodydy was triying to figure out how much the volume in cubic inches of a teardrop is, a trapdoor opened under FF's maths teacher, who fell straight between two battling Manas, which finally had someone to fight against and killed her.

"Hey, dudes! Come inside before our guards get back to guarding this trapdoor." said Hewki from under the trapdoor.

Tahu, Takanuva, Jaller and MoN entered the tunnel and walked down it, Hewki on the lead. At the end of the tunnel was a chamber, inside which somebody had put a giant stereo, dance floor, and everything you need for a disco.

"This party rocks!" called some matoran from the end of the room.

Soon it became clear that this was the party, and that it had been going on for two weeks because the stereo had broken twenty-five times and had to be repaired by Nuparu the engineer. The problem was, that he always conufused the stereo with boxor machines. And now the room was also full of boxors dancing the rock an' roll, blues, swing, jazz or whatever.

"Hey MistressofNonsense!" called someone. She was a hot-pink Toa with a white armor.

**Tahu: There are no hot-pink Toa on Mata-Nui.**

**MoN: Might be, but in this story, there are.**

Kopaka was wandering around in the room. Drinking ice, eating ice cubes, and saying nothing. Lewa was dancing with another hot-pink Toa with a white armor. Pohatu was kicking holes in the wall with his Kodan ball and trying to teach Hafu his best kick: Ooops! I smashed the wall.

"Where's the food?" Called a Le-Matoran from a corner.

"Where are the ga-matorans in bikini?" asked Takanuva. "I can't see anything!"

The hot-pink Toa ran out of a back door to get the food, while Takanuva, wandering around blindly, ended in the fangs of the Manas.

Jaller had seen Hahli and stopped crying. But he couldn't believe that he had been away from his work as a guard for two weeks. So he started running around the room with a pair of underwears on his head.

"Work! Work! I need work!" he shouted, running around looking for something to do. But at a party, the only work is to clean up afterwards. So Jaller just kept running in a circle with these underwear on his head.

In the meanwhile, uninvited people had appeared inside the chamber. Like: FF's history teacher, FF's french teacher, a floating banana split, some dirty boxers, Dumbo the flying elephant, Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse, Snowhite, Cinderella, some Jedi warriors and six Turaga.

**Vakama: How come we are in the list of "uninvited people"?**

**MoN: Listen grandpa, we would like to have fun here, this is no place for old people.**

**Onewa: But we're part of bionicle!**

**Nuju: whistle, click, click, whistle, clickitty click-click.**

**MoN: Yeah, whatever you say.**

Since all of these uninvited people were making a real mess and other were boring the Matoran to death.(I'm talking, of course, of the Turaga and the two teachers) MoN sent Jaller to guard the main entrance. What also made him stop running around like his butt was on fire.

Jaller had just gone away when the first hot-pink Toa came back with two carts full of junk food. On the first cart were McDonalds products, on the second were things from the junkyard. Like: Rubber pizza topped with old socks, rusty forks snacks, etc.

All of the characters that belong to Bionicle threw themselves on the second chart, muching happily.

**Pohatu: We don't eat that stuff.**

**MoN: If you find a comic, or a book, or anything else except a fanfic where it says what you eat, tell me.**

As everyone of the bionicle world was eating. Kopaka kept walking around the room in silence. After a while Snowhite spotted him and fell in love. To show him how much she loved him, she gave him a bunny as a present, then she started singing for him a love song, as soon as she reached her highest note all the glass in the room shattered into pieces.

**Lewa: And where was the glass?**

**MoN: Nowhere, but the stereo went wacko too.**

Kopaka was really annoyed now, and without saying anything he froze Snowhite and all her animals.

"How could you!" screeched Cinderella, "Those animals were my only company! Now I'm going to kill you!"

And with that, she heaved one of Gali's axes with a roar and threw herself on Kopaka unnoticed. Kopaka didn't say anything but froze her too.

**Onua: How can she be unnoticed if she roars?**

**MoN: I really have to call L&O. Anyway, everybody was eating.**

**Gali: And where are me and Onua?**

**MoN: In another room, kissing.**

In the meanwhile, other characters had appeared out of nowhere. Now in the room there were also: Peter Pan, Robin Hood, Dumbledore, Mary Poppin's penguins, a black belt, Ron Weasley, some roaring sheep, wool dragons and a couple of actors.

Nuparu had just managed to repair the stereo again, when the second hot-pink Toa returned with the drinks nad knocked over Nuparu who fell face forwards inside the stereo and had to repair it all over again.

All of a sudden, a robot entered the room.

**Reader: A robot? The room is full of small robots, so who cares?**

This particular robot was a Vahki, who immediatly started patrolling the room looking for those who didn't respect the law. Since Dumbo was flying around without a flyer's license, he used the dirty boxers to shoo him away, then he threw out the Jedi warriors because they had a sword although they weren't Toa. After he did this, he started dancing a swing with a boxor machine who was dancing the Walzer.

Kopaka saw that Takanuva was being whacked by the Manas, didn't say anything, turned around and walked away.

**MoN: Oh, no, the writing is bold again, who is complaining this time?**

**Kopaka: Me.**

**MoN: Ah, yes, the only one who hasn't said a word until now.**

**Kopaka: Exactly, it's not like I don't talk, and until now, I've just been walking around or freezing people. All of this without saying a word. I should have complained about the too high music by now.**

**MoN: Alright, if you wish.**

Kopaka reentered the room and started complaining that the music was too loud. No one could understand what he was complaining about since the stereo was broken.

While everyone was drinking, FF's french teacher was eating the McDonald's frech fries, and that's the reason she died intoxicated while FF's other teacher was trying to ruin the day as usual. Then he met Whenua and they started to speak about the past together.

Donald Duck was had just eaten all the banana split and now he had a terrible stomach ache. So he was brought away from the red cross of bionicle.

All of a suddden Lewa let out a scream and started break-dancing with a highly alcoholic bottle in his hand. Then he started doing flight races with Peter Pan, who immediately got caught by the Vahki because he was still a kid, and kids aren't allowed at discos.

"What's going on here? This is my house!" boomed an evil voice through the room. Everybody turned around, it was Makuta.

**Tahu: Takanuva killed Makuta two days ago!**

**MoN: We'Ve been travelling for two weeks, remember? And anyway, the movie premiered last year in october.**

**Takanuva: That isn't important now! Why is he still alive?**

**MoN: Ask Lijo & Ojil in two chapters.**

"But, Makuta, we're having a party here, there isn't room anywhere else on the island!" complained Hahli, drunk more than Lewa.

"Oh! Alright then, stay here as much as you want and have fun." said Makuta and walked away.

Mickey Mouse was dancing a swing when a muaka came in and ate him, then the great cat went for the burgers, but after eating the first, it decided that is was better to go back to Mount-Ihu.

Robin Hood was trying his aim, but Nuju used his mask to change direction of an arrow, so that it hit the stereo.

"Now I've had enough!" shouted Nuparu and led the boxors aginst Robin Hood, who decided that it was better to flee. But as soon as he was outside a swarm of gukko birds attacked him and ate him.

**Lewa: Gukko birds are vegetarians.**

**MoN: They probably changed their mind after eating the McDonald's salat.**

The Vahki was now trying to kick Ron out because he had used magic to conjure a real pizza, and laws on Metru Nui forbid the use of magic. But Dumbledore saw this and roaring, "Never mistreat my students!" he threw himself on the Vahki and used the rust curse to rust the Vahki. After he had done this, the remaining Vahki patrol popped out of nowhere and kicked both Ron and Dumbledore out.

All of a sudden the chamber was full of girls and other fans who wanted autographs from Orlando Bloom and Brad Pitt, who were the actors of before. Orlando turned into Legolas and Brad Pitt into Paris and chased the fans away through the back door where everybody had come from. As soon as everybody was out the two hot-pink Toa shut the door and locked it.

**Hot-pink Toa2: And what about the penguins?**

**Hot-pink Toa1: No problem.**

In that moment the Vahki started stomping through the room and turning off all the lights, music and everything else.

"It's four o'clock in the morning! The disco closes!" said one of them, then he made the penguins clean up everything.

**Matau: Vahki don't talk.**

**MoN: Nor does Kopaka normally.**

The penguins cleaned up everything and then Vakame walked on a chair that was still there to say something.

"I see that you had fun, but now it's time to greet our two new Toa! The eight and the ninth Toa that the legends talked about!" he said.

"I've never heard of an eight and ninth Toa before!" said Takanuva, who had managed somehow to survive the Manas and find his way back.

"That's because none of the Turaga ever spoke about legend #559.7a. Besides we weren't sure about it because it spoke of two Toa plus one. Which means three Toa, and the only other legend that speaks about the tenth Toa is legend #987.2g, and it's a really strange one, because it says that after the tenth Toa has come, another four will be revealed. But none must be found. But this is impossible according to legend number 1, the one you all should know! The legend of Mata Nui, let me tell it again fot those who have forget it, so: In the time before time blah blah blah blah blah blah."

Vakama went on blabbing for three hours reminding everybody of all the important legends. It wouldn't have taken so much if it hadn't been that the "most important legend" is actually 123.99 legends, which have nothing in common.

"...blah blah blah, and that's all."

"Is it just me," said Onua who had just come in. "Or is everyone here sleeping?"

"WAKE UP ALL OF YOU!" shouted the talking Vahki.

"Zzzzzz... Alright, are the legends over?"

"Yes, but now I would like to present you our two new Toa." said Vakama.

Everybody took places on some seat that the penguins had brought in.

"So, the first Toa is called Jade back at home, now she'll chose name and power."

**Tahu: When exactly were the Toa first allowed to chose their name and power?**

**MoN: Ever since this story was made.******

One of the hot-pink Toa walked on stage through Oooohs and Aaahs of male spectators.

"My new name," she said "Is...

"Stop!" interrupted Matau, "Let's get some drums rolling in the background!"

"So, my new name is..."

"Stop! Let's put some light on the stage."

"So, my new name is..."

"Stop!..."

As Matau said Stop, for the third time, the second hot-pink Toa attacked him and threw him off stage.

"So, my new name is Jade, and I'm the Toa of peace and love."

"Wait!" said Whenua. "It doesn't work like that! Each Toa can ony have one power! There has never been, in the past, a Toa with two powers."

"But I'm a two coloured Toa! Pink for love, white for peace!"

"I thought white was for ice!" interrupted Nokia.

**********Gali: Nokia?**

**********MoN: Yep, a Nokia cell. phone.**

****

"From now on it's for peace!" said Jade.

Kopaka suddenly realized that his powers were different now, but didn't say anything and kept staring at the new Toa.

"Now it's my turn!" said the second hot-pink Toa. "First thing I'd like to say that I HATE this body, and that I'm the opposite of Jade, I'm Edaj. But from now on you can call me: Edaj the Greatest of the Toa, or the Mighty Edaj. And since my real colours would be a black slightly blacker than Onua's black but not as black as Makuta's black and a red that's sligltly darker than Tahu's red but not as dark as Vakama's red, from now on I'm the Toa of Very-Scary-And-Frightening-Nightmares-That-Make-You-Scream-When-You-Are-Sleeping-In-Your-Warm-And- Comfortable-Bed-That-Is-Worth-Two-Thousand-Dollars and of Evil-Red-Devils-That-Live-In-The-Very-Center-Of- The-Earth-Since-Our-Planet-Was-Created."

"All right, Toa of Love and Peace and Toa of Nightmares and Devils," said Vakama

"NO! I'm not the Toa of Nightmares and Devils! I'm the Toa of Very-Scary-And-Frightening-Nightmares-That-Make-You-Scream-When-You-Are-Sleeping-In-Your-Warm-And- Comfortable-Bed-That-Is-Worth-Two-Thousand-Dollars and of Evil-Red-Devils-That-Live-In-The-Very-Center-Of- The-Earth-Since-Our-Planet-Was-Created!"

"Sorry Edaj, Toa of Very-Frightening-and-Scary..."

"No! It's Scary and Frightening! Not Frightening and Scary! And my name is Edaj the Greates of the Toa! As a punishment, you'll all have nightmares tonight!"

"Don't do that Mighty Edaj! You should use your powers to save this island! Not to punish people!" said Jade

"I don't see people here."

"Please!"

"Alright then, no nightmares tonight, you can wait until tomorrow."

So everyone went to bed without nightmares.

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****

******_Disclaimer: Nothing in this chapter is mine except MoN, Jade and Edaj._**

******_Note: Whew! The party is over. Thanks to slythergirl who was so kind to review even though the story sucks. Next chapter: Vakama for president!  
_**

I know there's nothing funny, but you could at least leave a not-so-nice review!******_  
_**


	3. Vakama for President

_**cRaZY AdVenTuRE**_

_**vAkAMa foR PrEsIDenT**_

**MoN: FF doesn't owe bionicle. But she owns me, Jade and Edaj. For more information, see bottom of the chapter.**

**Kopaka: What's that?**

**MoN: Disclaimer, sort of.**

**Onua: Vakama for president?**

**MoN: Yep.**

**Gali: We have to stop this crazy writer. Come on everyone! Let's get back toghether and find a way to get our liberty back!**

**Lewa: Shut up!**

**MoN: Sorry, you can't escape FF!**

**(A/N: Mwahahahahaha!)**

A new day had started on Mata Nui. Everyone was getting ready for the trip to Mata Nui.

**Everybody: Huh?**

Sorry-Metru Nui. The island of legends. It's name came from the fact that it was made out of legends. The Vahki were a legend. The Toa were a legend. Metru Nui was a legend. In fact, the true name of Metru Nui is N... STOP! Before I say too much. All you have to know is that Metru Nui isn't the real name of Metru Nui. What really cares now, is that there was a small problem. Really small. Tiny. So tiny that it isn't even worth talking about. So I won't.

**Tahu: That's unfair. First you tell us that there's a problem. Then you don't tell us what it is!**

Alright. The problem was, that the boats for the trip to Metru Nui had been eaten by termites overnight. And since Tahu had burned the whole island, there weren't any more trees.

**Pohatu: Tiny problem?**

**MoN: Yes, the solution is easy: Don't go to Metru Nui!**

**Nuju: Click! Thweet! Click-click! Pfffff!**

**Edaj: Pfff?**

**Nuju: -wets lips- Thweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!**

**MoN: Whatever.**

The Matoran and the Toa had realized that only now. And It had been a shock for the whole island. Especially for Le-Matoran, who were crying their eyes out. Soon, the island was full of eyeballs. Lewa, also known as "The Human Vine", had started singing a sad piece. It sounded as if a cat was scratching his claws on a blackboard, actually, that was the sound of the chalk that FF's french teacher was using to write on the board. FF's french teacher turned around to ask Edaj to spell 'étagère', but she pronounced the name Edaj wrong and was killed by a devil that Edaj had summoned.

In the meanwhile. A more serious problem had occured. The tears of the Le-Matoran were flooding the whole island. FF's math teacher, who was passing by, tried to calculate in how much time the island would be submerged. But she accidentally stepped on an ant farm, reason why she was attacked by a killer slug.

**Gali: Killer slug?**

**Onua: Why should a killer slug attack FF's math teacher if she destroyed an ant farm? **

**MoN: Ask L&O. They're coming in the next chapter.**

The tears were approaching Po-Koro. Soon, they would have turned the whole desert into a swamp. It was then that Pohatu saw them.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiih!" he screamed "WATER! I'm afraid of water! Help!"

A lifeguard of 'Baywatch' saw that Pohatu was in danger of drowning, but since Pohatu wasn't a sexy tanned girl he turned around and walked away. Pohatu freaked out and started running in circles.

"Water! Help! Mommy! No wait, my mom was a Ga-Matoran. Daddy!"

Pohatu's dad came out of a hut.

"Poor child!. You must have been so scared!" said Onewa. Pohatu accidentally put a foot in water, squealed, ran into his father's hut and started whining.

The tears were about to submerge Po-Koro. But since that would mean that the end of the story,

**Bionicle: Yahoooooooo!**

Jade used her powers to make the Le-Matoran fall in love with the ashes. So the island was now full of matoran kissing the ground.

"Hey!" said Lewa, who decided to protest inside the story in a desperate attemp to ruin it. "Leave my people alone! Make Ta-Matoran kiss the ashes, make Ga-Matoran cry, make Po-Matoran freak out when they see water. BUT LEAVE MY PEOPLE ALONE!"

"Why?" aked MoN, calmly cutting her fingernails.

"Because my people are the youngest!"

"Really?"

"Yes, I'm the youngest of the Toa, so Le-Matoran are the youngest too!"

"Ah-ha."

"Besides," interrupted Pohatu. "I don't run around screaming just because of a bit of water!!! And Onewa isn't my father."

"We're talking about Le-Matoran! Not about you!"

"I have something to say about that too! How come Lewa always gets what he wants?"

"Because I'm the youngest! And the youngest always get what they want!"

"Says who?"

"Says me!" said Vakama, who was walking around there for no reason. "From now on, I'm the president! I have control even on the other Turaga!"

"Don't even think about it!" said Nokama, who apparently was everywhere where Vakama was."I'll be the president!"

So the Turaga all started fighting about who of them was supposed to be the president. In the end, they decided for the Matoran to vote. But the Matoran are all dumbheads without brains that do only what the Turaga tell them. That's also the proof that Takua wasn't really a Matoran since he always did the opposite of what the Turaga said. Or maybe it was just a bug in the programmation. So what happened was that all the Matoran wrote random votes like: Vaknua, Onkama, Nokewa. Or even worse: Orlando Bloom, Little Red Riding Hood, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Saddam Hussein. A lot of them voted George Bush for no reason at all, other just wrote down: What does voting mean?

So soon the Turaga realized that there were only thirteen people on the island that could vote. Tahu, Gali, Kopaka, Onua, Pohatu, Lewa, MoN, Jade, Edaj, the Baywatch lifeguard, a rakshi and Makuta.

**Takanuva: How come I can't vote?**

**MoN: Because you were a matoran before, and you're blind. You wouldn't know what you're writing.**

**Onewa: Those are twelve people.**

**MoN: No, they're thirteen, because if they were twelve then it could happen that each of you got two votes. At least like this it's sure that one of you gets three.**

**Nokama: But the people that are voting are still twelve.**

**MoN: Let's wait until the end to talk about his.**

It's obvious that nearly all of the Toa voted for their own Turaga. But since Onua loved Gali (and Gali loved Onua), to do her a favour he voted Nokama, and Gali voted Whenua. Then she went out of the cavern where they were voting with Kopaka. Jade voted Nokama too because she liked her calm ways. Edaj instead voted Vakama to annoy Jade. The Baywatch lifeguard realized that there weren't tanned girls to save on this island and since his only hope to keep the job was to save someone who couldn't swim, he voted Nuju. The rakshi and Makuta didn't want to vote, but Onewa took control of the rakshi's mind with his Noble Mask of Mind Control and forced him to write Onewa. When he tried it on Makuta, Makuta got really angry and voted Matau.

Whenua was the only one with only one vote now, so he went to his home to talk to FF's history teacher that had been hiding there since the party and asked him about Cesar's techniques to get votes. FF's history teacher had just started to explain, but Pewku jumped on the hut and the ceiling squashed him.

MoN voted Whenua because I wanted it.

In the end, the votes were:

Nokama: 2

Whenua: 2

Nuju: 2

Matau: 2

Onewa: 2

Vakama: 3

**Nokama: That's mathematically impossible!**

**MoN: Who cares.**

**Onewa: It cares to me! I could've won!**

**MoN: The people were thirteen, I told you. If Vakama won it's bacause the chapter is called VAkaMa fOR prEsIdEnT.**

**Matau: I would still like to know how it's possible that with twelve people there are thirteen votes**

**Ojil: Easy.**

**Lijo: Sorry, I know that we weren't supposed to pop up until tomorrow.**

**Ojil: But I wanted to come here, so he had to come too!**

**MoN: Alright, but you explain only this okay?**

**Ojil: Okey dokey! So, it's true that there are twelve people voting. But in the end, it's really FF who decides. And since the chapter was already Vakama for President, FF made sure that there were only twelve people voting. Then she voted too!**

**Lijo: That's the silliest explanation of the whole world.**

**Ojil: No it's not. If there had been 13 people, and Whenua had gotten 3 votes, then it would have really not made any sense, because he would have won, but Vakama would have been the president.**

**MoN: Thanks Ojil. All the other explanation in the next chapter, when these two are coming into scene. But I don't think that this President Vakama stuff is important. Probably just something because FF couldn't think of anything else.**

* * *

**  
**

Disclaimer: Lijo & Ojil are mine. The Baywatch lifeguard belongs to baywatch and they can keep him. All those people that the Matoran voted belong to themselves. The ant farm comes from my backyard and so does the killer slug. The teachers belong to the school. Everything else belongs to Bionicle

Antler: Thanks for reviewing, as you see, Kopaka and Gali did go out toghether. (Out of the cavern, hehe) No, seriously now. I've already started this story as an Onua/Gali, but there's nothing planned. I'll think about it.

Slythergirl: I'm happy that you like it. And don't worry about letting myself dowm. It's just that I like to complain. You'll have to be patient for the next chapter, because I run out of ideas fast, but don't worry, I've already thought of something, just it might take a while until it comes up. In the meanwhile, you can check out 'Heroes of the Past' and tell me what you think about it.

Note: If someone want's to ask me something, ask it clearly 'cause I'll always look for double meanings, and a 'go out together' will become a 'go out of a cave together'. And a Tahu/Gali will become a fight between Tahu and Gali.


	4. I AM ANGRY!

10/18/04

**Chapter 4-You get to choose the title**

Discl...:

**Tahu(singing): I am the champion...!**

**Ojil: Whazzat?**

**Lijo: Yeah, we're writing the disclamer, why did you stop us?**

**Tahu: Nope, no more stories!**

**MoN: Why not?**

**Tahu: 'Cause I found a way to stop FF!:-)**

**MoN: You?**

**Nokama: No, it was me.**

**MoN: Now that's something I don't believe.**

**Nokama: I was a teacher remember?**

**MoN: Uuuuh.**

**Nokama: In Metru Nui.**

**MoN: Oh, right. But I wouldn't remind FF about that. You saw what she did to her teachers.**

**Nokama: I know. And none of the teachers liked that so I told them to pile FF with homework so she couldn't write anything!**

ZAP! CRASH! ROAR!

**Pohatu: Daddy!**

**MoN: I think FF's angry.**

**Kopaka: Uh-oh.**

Disclaimer: I don't owe Bionicle and I always do my homework before writing fanfics.

Straight after Vakama was elected president a storm blew on the island, sending two strange creatures to help MoN, Jade and Edaj on their mission. They looked exactly like each other, one was called Lijo, the other Ojil. Say hello to Lijo & Ojil, Matoran!

"Hello, Lijo & Ojil!"

Right, now that we got to know each other, let's get on with the story. For some strange reason Gali couldn't stop the storm, not even with the help of all the other Toa. At first everyone thought the Toa had lost their powers. Then it became clear that Gali couldn't stop the storm because the author didn't want it. The storm blew on the island all sorts of things. Including a small boat with a trunk in it. Strangely, straight after this, the storm stopped.

"Let's see what is inside the trunk!" said Tahu.

"Let's hope it's gold! I love shiny objects!" added Takanuva.

All of them tried to open the trunk, but even Onua, with his great Mask of Strenght, couldn't do anything. Finally Tahu got angry and used all of his powers on everything around him (compare ch1). But still, the trunk wouldn't surrender.

"Stop everyone!" said Onua. "Let's think about this! What haven't we tried?!

"Uuh, we haven't tried... kissing!" answered Gali

"That's true! Me and you have never kissed! Except in ch.2"

"Naa," interrupted Edaj, "You were just cleaning the dishes. We said that only to save the surprise for later."

"Then we have to do that straight away!" screeched Gali. So she and Onua looked for a hidden place and started hugging and kissing each other and... wait a second.

**Gali: Huh?**

Sorry, I had to throw up. I can't stand mushy stuff and other fluff. (I can't even stand french)

**Jade: How is that possible? Kissing is a nice thing! Why should it be yucky?**

**MoN: Don't know, but FF's talking about mushy stuff, not about kissing.**

**Edaj: How can you like kissing? It's the most disgusting thing in the world!**

**Whenua: -sob- It's so touching!**

**Nokama: I agree! This writer has a heart after all! We are saved!**

**Whenua: No, it's touching that water and earth are together! The Toa of Mud will come soon!**

**Edaj: Blargh!**

**MoN: Are we here to discuss kissing or to open the trunk? Go on with the story!**

So, while Onua and Gali went doing you-know-what behind a dune, the others tried to open the trunk.

"Seriously guys, what haven't we tried?" asked Tahu.

"Yeah, kissing, like Gali said." answered Kopaka (wow! he talks!)

"Does anyone want to kiss this thing?"

"Yes! I do!" said Takanuva. "I loooooove trunks!"

"Jade again, I bet." murmured Tahu.

Takanuva threw himself on the trunk and started kissing it all over, after five minutes he had been doing this, Edaj made a devil appear that chased him all around the island.

"We could try..." started Pohatu. "We could try... uh gnn ugh grr"

"Stop thinking!" warned MoN "Before you hurt yourself."

"What if we say: 'please'?" asked Lewa.

"Do you really think that saying: "Trunk open, please." would help?" asked Tahu.

Slowly, the trunk opened itself.

(A/N: If there are kids younger than seven reading this, remember: Always say please. You get everything by asking please!)

Tahu peared inside the trunk. Inside it were...

A drum started rolling in the distance.

...were...

Suspence.

...All FF's homework!

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed the Toa.

_Now, you have to do all of it!"_ boomed a voice from the clouds. (actually, that's me using the microphone connected to the computer)

"No! Please! Anything but not that!" whined Lewa

"We don't know anything about maths! Or french! Please! Have mercy!" added Tahu.

_That isn't a problem!_

In that moment, a motorboat appeared on the horizon and stopped right in front of them. It contained eleven people. A young woman jumped off the boat.

"Hi! Is this England?" aked the woman.

"No, this is Mata Nui." answered Vakama. "Welcome on Mata Nui!"

"Oh, I was looking for England."

"Uh," interrupted Jade. "England is in the northern hemisphere, we are in the southern. And, we are in the Pacific."

"Wow! A new animal species! I have to study this!" said an old man.

"This island seems blocked in ancient times. Be careful! We musn't import any outside technology." said another.

"These people look familiar..." said MoN.

"Oh no! We'll never get to school back in time to give our students homework!" said another woman.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! They are FF's teachers! All of them!" screamed MoN before fainting.

**Tahu: Hang on! Three teachers were killed in the last chapter. How come they're still alive?**

**Ojil: I really don't know.**

**Lijo: Hey! Ojil doesn't know how to explain something! Yahoo!  
**

**Ojil: But since today FF's had lessons with five of them, they obviously can't be dead.**

**Lijo: Oh maaaaaaannn.**

**Matau: And how did they get here?**

**Ojil: Easy, FF's geography teacher (the young woman that was looking for England) was the guide.**

(Explanation: I had this geagraphy teacher in the past two years. We took four field trips with her and she was our guide for three times. Each of these three times, we got lost.)

As soon as everybody had realized who those people were the Turaga all had a heart infarct, Gali and Onua stopped kissing and hated each other from that moment, Pohatu threw himself into a lake and started swimming in it, Kopaka started singing 'And when the saints...', Lewa grabbed Tahu's blades and used them to surf the lava, Takanuva suddenly regained sight, Jade and Edaj hugged each other, Ash stopped travelling to make Pikachu fight against Pewku, Mata Nui went to sleep again, Makuta started thinking that maybe ruling over the island wasn't such a good idea, the Bohroks went back into their nests and decided never to come out again, the Digimons were deleted by a computer virus, Yu-Gi-Oh lost a challenge, Krekka and Nidhiki... hey, those two aren't part of this story! Out of here!

Just to make it short, the island had fallen in total chaos and everybody had gone crazy. The only ones who were still a bit sane, were Nokama and Jaller. Nokama because she was a teacher, and Jaller because he loved working. So the author made them do all of her homework with the help of her own teachers while she kept writing this story.

So, as soon as Nokama and Jaller started doing the author's homework, she made everyone turn back to normal. It was at this point, that Tahu and Edaj started to fight.

_What will happen now?_

_Will Jaller and Nokama finish the author's homework?_

_Is Kopaka finally going to go out with Gali?_

_Will there really be a Toa of Mud?_

_Was the homework the author's punishment?_

_Read on to find out._

Edaj and Tahu were right in the middle of the fight, when Tahu summoned the Vahi to stop time. But in that moment, a Gukko bird saw the hula-hop berry on Tahu's head and threw himself downwards to get it. Theoretically, it should have frozen in mid-air, but since it didn't know what powers the mask had it flew down to Tahu's head and knocked him over as it grabbed the berry.

**Tahu: What was a berry doing on my head?**

**Ojil: It was practicing hula-hop. It's a hula-hop berry.**

**Lijo: Oh brother.**

ZAP!

"What happened?" asked Gali

"Who zapped?" asked Pohatu

"Hey! I want to do zapping too!" wailed Takanuva.

What had happened was that Tahu had lost control over the Kanohi. And everyone except the Toa, MoN, Lijo & Ojil and FF's now done homework had disappeared.

Or better, the Toa, MoN, Lijo & Ojil and FF's now done homework had disappeared, not the others. They had been zapped to somewhere in the past.

_Will the Toa find out where they are?_

_Will Takanuva lose sight again?_

_Will Pohatu forget how to swim?_

_Will Tahu become a leader?_

_Will Makuta come back again?_

_Will these questions be answered?_

Find this and more out in the next chapter! Uuuh, what's it's name again? Yes!' The Beginning!'

**Takanuva: Hey, you had promised us that you would explain us a couple of things!**

**Ojil: Oh, yeah. Because of FF's math teacher. (last chapter) The killer slug was a cousin of the queen ant. And because of Makuta(ch2). Well, Makuta has a Vahi. So, sometime in the past, he started playing with it and ended up in the future!**

**Gali: That doesn't make sense.  
**

**Lijo: I agree with the human fish.  
**

**MoN: Who cares.**

The end... for now.

**--------------------**

**10/19/04**

**What happened to my readers? There were no reviews for the last chapter! Is everyone reading HotP or something?**

**Anyway, who cares, the last chapter wasn't that funny anyway.**

**I added What's True(WT) in this story. Practically you get to read there what I got from real life.**

**WT: My geography teacher, we really did get lost with her three times. And two times we were on a signed trail. I also really had lots of homework yesterday, that's why I'm posting it today. (Unfortunately, the trick of making these guys do them for me doesn't work)**


	5. The beginning

**_CA5_**

The Beginning

Disclaimer: I don't owe Bionicle. Makuta and Mata Nui's mom is of my invention and can be used as wanted.

Note: This chapter has nothing to do with the rest of the story, you can skip directly to chapter 6 if you want.

Slythergrl: Here's the fifth chapter you were waiting for. It's different than the others 'cause I wrote it after my brain overloaded while doing some two-hour homework. Complete chaos! No more ability to formulate any intelligent thought. Read and enjoy!

Pepsi, it's the Coke: Hey! New entries! So I finally get to know your brother Slythergrl2004 (yes! I finally got your name right). I'm looking forward to see your stories. P.S: I have a younger brother and sister too!

Warning: Mata-Nui and Makuta fans shouldn't read this chapter, it contains taunts towards MN and M. This story is also not to be read by Mata-Nui saga fans. It spoils the whole tale.

---

The Toa were in the past. That was clear, for the author already said it in the last chapter.

In the past, yes. But were? Any serious author would send them back to the time of the dinosaurs. But this author could send them back to five minutes before as well. So, where did this author send them to?

He-he. As sadistic as the author could be, I decided to send them back to the beginning...No! Not of this fanfic. Back to the beginning of Bionicle!

Tahu: Does that mean we'll have to fight Rahi again?

MoN: You have to know, that when FF says "the beginning", she means it.

XXXXXXXX

The Toa looked carefully around, they were in a dark cave. It took them only five hours to recognize the place.

"Makuta lives here!" said Onua.

"What? Let's get out of here!" squealed Gali.

"NO! FORGET IT!" said Pohatu. Shouting for no reason at all. (A/N: Something that he always does)

"What's behind the door?" asked Jade.

"Which door?" asked MoN, who had lost her glasses.

"The one with written "M&M's" room."

"Maybe M&M's?"

"Let's check it out!" said Edaj, rushing to the door and opening it.

Behind the door was a large chamber in which two big figures were standing, their back to the Toa. One was black, the other was of a vomit colour. They were both wotking on something on two tables.

"Haha!" said the black one. "I've finally completed another Lego robot! I'm a genius! This is already the 12344th in a year!

POOF! A blast of smoke came from the other table.

"I have just made a sleeping-potion!" said the vomit one, then he looked over to the other. "Oh no! Makuta! When will you stop infesting the island?"

**Tahu: Stop! If that's Makuta, is the other Mata Nui?**

MoN: Got it right.

Tahu: Mata Nui isn't vomit-coloured!

Lijo: You know, I think he's right.

Ojil: No no no. Nobody ever SAW Mata Nui, so nobody can tell how he's made! I think they're lucky he isn't a leech with a headache.

"Awwww!" answered Makuta. "I like building robots! AND they are programmed to serve these bigger robots that are already running around the island. And these robots have called themselves Turaga, think that you created them, and are programmed to serve you for all their lives."

**Vakama: Now, that's something that doesn't make sense at all!**

Ojil: Do you abey Mata Nui or not?

Lijo: He means that it makes no sense that Makuta programmed him to obey Mata Nui. What's he doing here anyway? I thought he was still in the present.

Ojil: This is behind the scenes, there could even be the chinese emperor here.

Lijo: Ooooookay, but wwhat about the programmation stuff?

Ojil: Would you want Turaga in the way giving you offerings?

Lijo: No.

Ojil: See the point

"Serve me? Thanks brother! Thanks!" said Mata Nui, hugging Makuta's neck.

"Aaagh! Air!" choked Makuta, turning blue. (A/N: I know this is as old as my granny, but I like it)

"Sorry! How long do these guys live anyway?"

"There's a guaranty of five years." answered Makuta. What he didn't say was that a guaranty of five years guaranties that after five years and a day the product will either self-destroy itself or search any way of suicide. (Bionicle has been around for four years by now, the Turaga have another year of life, the Matoran four, the Toa six (Uh, why did I write this anyway?))

"Five years! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!"

-If he knew how annoying those guys are- thought Makuta

"Where's his Mask?" asked Mata Nui. "It's ugly like this! It has a wart on his nose."

"I know, that's why they all wear masks. Here it is."

"Huh? It's blue? Or cyan?"

"I know, Lego run out of red colour."

Mata Nui placed the Cyan P.A.K.A.R.I. on the Matoran's face. Then he turned to Makuta, "How should we call him?"

"How about: Tohunga-All-Use-Kanohi-Akaku?" suggested Makuta.

"But this is a P.A.K.A.R.I!"

"Yeah, But T.A.K.U.A sounds better then Takup."

"You're so smart brother!"

Makuta turned around to program the robot and Mata Nui started creating a special potion that should have made him change colour, he had just made it, when somebody called.

"Makuta? Mata Nui? Where are you?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!" screamed the two, then they started running around like maniacs.

"Quick! Put away your potion!"

"But..."

"Just do it!"

Mata Nui pushed his chemical set in the wall, doing this, he didn't see that a box of powdered super-hot chilli peppers fell into the second potion.

"What about Takua?" asked Makuta

"Program him! They usually run away afterwards!"

"But it isn't ready yet!"

"Just do it!"

Makuta programmed Takua, who immediately ran behing a rock spy on them.

In that moment the door opened and a fat, female-like blue creature came in.

Makuta and Mata Nui immediately jumped in the middle of the room, standing up straight.

"Hi mom, you called?" asked the two, grinning like idiots.

**Tahu: This is our story! Not theirs! If you want to write a story on them, then call it M&M's life or...**

-FF makes Toa disappear to somewhere.-

"Yes, I called. Makuta, did you feed your slug collection?" said the being.

"No mommy, Mata did it!" answered Makuta

"Is it true?"

"Yes mommy!" said Mata nui.

"What did you give them to eat? They're rusting everything they slime on!"

"Uh, I think it was rust-lotion 2000."

"What's rust-lotion 2000?"

"Don't know." answered Makuta. "But I think the slugs liked it."

"Yes, and they escaped from their cage. I want you to bring them back. All of them!"

"But mommy..."

"No excuses!" said the being. "And don't forget to do your homework!"

With that, the being stomped away and closed the door. Makuta and Mata Nui immediately took out all of their tools.

"So, how's the potion going?"

"It's done! I should become silver."

Mata Nui drank the potion. As soon as he had done this, his face turned red, he brought his hands to his throat and started spitting fire.

"Yaaaaah! Fire! Fire! It burns! Bring me water! Water! Wateeeer!" he screamed, running around the room. Then he grabbed the first thing he could find. Namely the sleeping potion.

"Glug, glug, glug! Aaaah! That's... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Makuta sighed then bent down to read the label on the potion.

"Let's see, T-a-kes, t- oh, what's the next letter? Ah! An h! So, Takes, th-r-ee. Takes three. Crap, what's that? It looks like an x without the right leg... maybed a y? yeah must be. So, y-ea-r-s, yes. Years. to w-e-a... uh, r. To wear. uh. O-f-f. Takes three years to wear off! Cool! I got it! I..." suddenly his expression changed. "Takes 3 years to wear off? Aaaargh!"

Not being able to think of anything else, Makuta grabbed his brother's body and threw it in a room which he closed up.

Takua in the meanwhile had seen all of it and was already writing an aticle for the newspaper. Headlines: Makuta throws Mata Nui in a room after tricking him into drinking sleeping potion.

Running out, though, he thought that maybe this wasn't interesting enough.

-What if it was an enchanted sleep? And what if Makuta was jealous becaus Mata Nui got so much attention from us? What if...- he thought, making up a story while going to Ta-Koro. In the end, you can imagine what came out.

End of 6 ch.

Oh, nearly forgot. Remember: Always do a programmation correctly, even if your mom is about to come in the room!

**FF: Hehe! Now that's done! Man, I'm, so evil! Now, where did I send the Toa to?**

Tahu: Wow! This hut is huge!

Uh-Oh.


	6. Chapter 6

Note: I have some infos for you. 1. I'm not writing this story alone, I mean, yes I am. But I'm taking ideas from school and from my brother. (like in ch4 the kissing part) They don't always know, so I thought I should tell you (or them if they are reading). 2. updates depend on my mood and on my homework. If I get lots of homework, I might as well write two chapters in one day. 3. Any ideas are welcome, as well as "can you put this or that in" questions. Becauso I run out of ideas fast. 4. My teachers are all in perfect health, don't worry.

_nightbug08: yes, they are in my house because I was stupid enough not to say were they disappeared to._

Disclaimer: I don't owe Bionicle and this is my house.

**Chapter 6, I can't think up af a name as usual.**

The girl sitting in front of the computer stared at the Toa, terrorized. Actually, not really, because she had just done her homework, so she wasn't in the right mood to be scared.

"What are you doin' here?" she asked. "I'm writin', so don't annoy me."

But the Toa weren't bothered with her, they were too busy looking at a music-playing box in the other side of the room. So the girl went on writing, and in that moment Tahu turned the volume up to 50000 dcb, so that Onua became death.

"What have you done? Toa of matches?" asked Kopaka.

"It wasn't me! It was as if a superior force had taken control over me!" protested Tahu. The girl tiped something else.

Tahu suddenly started staring Kopaka.

"What's up with you?" asked the human icicle.

"You're hot," grinned Tahu.

"You're insane!"

"No, I'm being controlled!"

The girl sniggered and tiped in more. As soon as she pressed enter, Pohatu began to dance, of course without following the rythm. At half music he also started to sing: Jingle bells at the top of his lungs.

"There's something weird here," mumbled Gali, but before she could say anything else, a bee started chasing her all around the house.

After a while, a small boy eating hot-dogs came in.

"Hey, are you writing again?" said the boy.

"Yep," answered the girl.

"Well, that explains why there's a green robot is eating my homework." said the boy.

"Hmm, guys," said Takanuva, "I have the feeling that is FF."

"FF's just for friends!" shouted the girl and made a bottle of ink fall on Takanuva.

"FF?" asked Tahu. "Get her!"

Seeing the danger, FF made two body guards appear out of nowhere, but they were burshed aside thanks to a magic broom conjured by Harry Potter. The Toa advanced dangerously and tied FF to the chair."

"Untie me!" growled the author. "Untie me or you are going to pay for this!"

"Nada, girl" said Tahu, "Now we are having fun!"

Before FF could stop them, the Toa had started tickling her to death.

**MoN: I thought she had stopped controlling them.**

**Ojil: This proves that they are a bunch of idiots**

**Lijo: This could get interesting.**

Soon FF had laughed herself off the chair, and it would have gone on, but in that moment Makuta entered the door wearing a tutu.

"Uh, is this where the ballet course is?" he asked.

"No, this is just the author's house," answered Takanuva.

"Oh, sorry." said Makuta and skipped outside.

"So, where have we left you?" asked Tahu, turning to FF.

"I think on the floor." answered the author.

"Right, you'll stay there."

"That isn't a good idea, I'm really angry at my teacher and if I don't kill him, I'll destroy everything."

"Hmm, is that bad?"

"No, not really, it's just in the fanfic."

"Good,"

**Lijo: Does the whole thing make sense?**

**Ojil: Yes, of course. The author is writing what is happening.**

**Lijo: I thought she was tied up.**

**Ojil: Only in the fanfic.**

Tahu and the others, in the meanwhile, had decided to explore the house, Lewa was already exploring it. He was the one eating my brother's homework.

"Say, do you really have to drool on everything?" asked the kid, "It's alright if you eat it, but at least leave it dry."

Lewa wanted to answer but in that moment a screech echoed to the house and the author's sister came in running.

"Brother! (I'm calling him brother for this time)."

"Did you become human Gali?" asked Lewa.

"Huh? Who are you?"

"I'm Lewa."

"What are you?"

"I'm a Toa."

"What's a Toa?"

"Toa are the heroes of Bionicle."

"Uh, can heroes be robots?"

"We aren't robots."

"What are you then?"

"We are Toa."

"What's a Toa again?"

"A hero,"

"A hero of what?"

"Of Mata Nui."

"What's Mata Nui?"

"An island."

"Who do you save?"

"Matoran and Turaga."

"What are Matoran and..."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!" screamed Brother.

The reason he had screamed was that Tahu had just ran into the room and burned his airplane model.

"Hey! Look guys! There people think we are gods or something! Look, they made small totems of us!" Tahu said, holding up a small toy of himself.

"Ooooh! Look, Toa children!" said Gali, picked the Toy-Gali up and started cuddling it.

**FF: I just realized that Toa and Toy are nearly the same word. You just change the last letter.**

**MoN: What does this have to do with the story?**

**FF: Nothing.**

Wandering around Kopaka had found out that Gali was just the liquid side of himself, while Pohatu was locked in front of the TV watching the football match.

Takanuva was taking the heads off my brother's rakshi, laughing each time.

"You have to rebuild them afterwards," said Brother.

"Do I really have to?"

"Yes, otherwhise I'll ask FF to send you to the center of earth."

"Yeah!"

Suddenly, a roar interrupted them, and FF came running down the stairs smashing everything she could find, after wrecking half of the house, she turned on the Toa-toys.

"Don't you dare hurt our children!" shouted Gali and tried to flood FF, but since she had a life vest on, she didn't drown and bonked a toy-Pohatu on the head.

"Ow!" protested Pohatu from the living-room. "Who hit me on the head?"

At this point the author realized that the toys worked like woodoo dolls ans spent half of the afternoon making the Toa dance.

**Tahu: something that she would have done anyway.**

**MoN: How come we keep getting script?**

**FF: Because these are comments outside the story, this chapter is outside the story too, but inside my house. So it isn't written in script.**

**Ojil: This explanation is too easy.**

**Lijo: Then give a better one!**

**Ojil: We still get script because Tahu and the other Toa are still being controlled by FF because she is only writing this chapter, not really living it. So the script parts are the one she really lives.**

**FF: Hmm, but you aren't real. Oh, yeah, you're inside my head.**

**Uselessinsanewriter: I'm not inside your head.**

**FF: No, you're just my useless inspiration.**

**Uselessinsanewriter: Exactly and it's time for my brake.**

**FF: What? The chapter hasn't ended yet, it hasn't even started!**

**Uselessinsanewriter: Sorry, I need my coffee brake.**

**FF: My imagination doesn't drink coffee.**

**Uselessinsanewriter: Your normal one doesn't. I do.**

**FF: Stay here! I don't want to reconnect my brain! Then I'll have to study!**

**Uselessinsanewriter: Go on with Heroes of the Past.**

**FF: My other imagination is currently staying at the Bahamas.**

**Uselessinsanewriter: Well, she does deserve a break too.**

**FF: It isn't a female.**

**Uselessinsanewriter: Right, imagination are neutral.**

**FF: Stay here! I want to finish this chapter! I didn't even kill off a teacher!**

**Uselessinsanewriter: Who cares, you are having him again anyway.**

**FF: Useless idiot.**

**Uselessinsanewriter: Byebye!**

Please Review.

Note: My brother doesn't always eat hot.dogs and my sister really doesn't know anything about Bionicle, but I'm the one who normally get's called Gali by my bro.   



	7. Anime Attack!

Disclaimer: i don't owe Bionicle blah blah blah.

nightbug08: Yeah, my brother call me Gali. That's because we three did the Toa test together. He came out as Lewa and my sister as Onua. So ever since he keeps calling us Gali and Onua.

Sorry if it took me so much but I had to go to school on Saturday (yes, you read that right, on S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y) and it took me some time to recover from the shock  
Just kidding, it's because fanfiction. net didn't publish anything for some time.All right! I actually didn't know what to write. But I'm NOT joking about the Saturday school. I really did go to school on Saturday. :,( 

In case you are interested, this is what we did:

1st hour: Don't know, we napped through the first hour.

2nd hour: Hmm, good question. I was still sleepy, but it had something to do with winds...

3rd hour: I know we sang something... but then?

Break, and the cafeteria didn't have anything.

4th hour: We do some talking about books. ??

5th hour: By now everyone is thinking of food.

Skip

Last hour: The teacher comes in ans says he thinks this is stupid. -glint of hope-  
No, we do lesson anyway/everyone looks at their watch every five minutes  
-ten minutes to go-  
Some kids start packing their stuff. But still very carefully, so the teacher doesn't see.  
-five minutes to go-  
the teacher sees what we are doing and says to wait half a minute. Those who didn't yet know what time it was start packing (it's always like this, try saying wait a minute or whatever five minutes after the lesson has started, everyone will start packing)  
-three minutes to go-  
everyone is ready  
-one min to go-  
countdown starts  
-five, four, three, two, one...-  
Driiiiiiiiiiiiiin!

Man! I'm glad it's over! Still... Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Why? Why cruel world?

Whatever, now back to the story.

* * *

WARNING: If you are a Yaoi lover, you shouldn't read. I don't have anything against yaoi, it's just that here everything's crazy. 

Note: There is NO yaoi in this chapter.

Anime Attack (I don't believe it, I actually have a title!!!!)

To give the Toa something to do, FF translated all the fanfics. Then she let them alone to read them. Something that lead to very interesting discussions about yaoi.

"Yaoi is cool," Onua was saying. "At least I don't have to kiss Gali."

"Hem, you know, that's exactly what you did three chapters ago." said Takanuva.

"Didn't you read the end? 'Gali and Onua stopped kissing and hated each other from that moment'"

"Why don't you just say you like that Onua/Lewa?" asked Pohatu.

"I think yaoi is stupid," said Kopaka. "I would never kiss Tahu."

"No, that would melt you." said FF, who had just come back from school.

"Would not!" protested Kopaka.

"Then prove it!" grinned FF.

"No way!" said both Kopaka and Tahu.

"If you don't do it now you'll do it the next time I'll write CA."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" both screamed.

"You can't ashame us in that way!" protested Tahu.

"We'd be laughed at by everybody!" added Kopaka.

"Who cares," said FF with a shrug. "Do it now and nobody will see it."

"I-I can't." stuttered Tahu.

"Why not?"

B-beacuse my pride wouldn't permit it!"

"Not my problem."

Tahu and Kopaka looke at each other, then Kopaka stepped nearer to Tahu, who understood he didn't have any chance.

-romantic music in the background-

The two Toa closed their eyes as their lips nearly touched...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted a voice. The two Toa jumped away from each other.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww." moaned the whole neighborhood.

"Who are you and what d'you want?" FF asked the voice.

A flame wearing underwear and high-heeled shoes came running in.

"I'm Tahu's pride and I can't let him do this!"

**Everybody: ...  
**

**MoN: Tahu's pride is a flame wearing underpants?**

**FF: Yeah, Uselessinsanewriter isn't back yet, ya see. So I'm fishing ideas from a small puddle of imagination I have left.**

**Edaj(with fishing pole): Or better, we are fishing. Here's another one.**

"I'm the author of this fanfic and I command you to GO AWAY!" roared FF.

"This isn't a fanfic so I'm staying!"

"This is a fanfic so shoo!"

"I'm not a character of this fanfic so..."

Ding-don!

FF opened the door.

"Hi, I'm Max and I'm searching somebody to duel against with my bey..." said a strange boy with huge blue eyes and a lot of yellow hair.

"ANIME!!!" roared the author and started hitting Max with Brother's beyblade. Not happy, she kicked him down the street and started cutting his hair.

"HELP!" wailed Max.

"We need a hero!" shouted Tahu, ignoring the fact that he WAS a hero.

Hamtaro and co. with Sister's hamster tried to stop the evil girl, but they were eaten by the ghost of the author's cat. (All except my sister's hamster, who had enough sense to go back into her cage) (my poor kitty! -sob-)

"We need a hero!" repeated Tahu. (I beg the readers NOT to comment this)

All of a sudden a girl with extra-long yellow hair jumped into the road, she was about to stop FF when a monster popped in (I'm getting kinda bored of all this pop-popping) the girl looked at it and started yelling things at it.

Then she took out a medaillon and tapped on it, started spinning around and around, was bathed in a purple light and then she was turned in...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried the author. "Anything but not Sailor Moon! Please! Not that!"

The whole transformation had taken five minutes, during wich the monster had sat in a corner and read the newspaper in a bored way.

"Finally! May I attack you now?" asked the monster, looking over to Sailor Moon.

"No! This can't be, this can't be, this can't be..." moaned the author rolling around on the street.

"Yes, of course." said Sailor Moon. The author started banging her head on the ground.

In that moment, five people dressed up in different coloured costumes popped up, they did a kind of balley on the ground and then shouted "Power Ranger Wild Force!". Before attacking the monster. FF threw herself on a person who was walking nearby and strangled her before realizing he was her history teacher.

Whil fighting against the monster the red Power Ranger stopped everyone to talk with them, he had just gotten a message from the lions.

"I have to talk with my companions, monster, wait a sec!" said the red ranger.

"Not again!" growled the monster, then he sat down and started reading Bionicle comics.

"Listen, the lions say we must..."

"May I attack?"

"No."

"We must work together, then the monster won't have a chance..."

"May I attack?"

"No!"

"Blah blah..."

"May I attack?"

"No!"

"May I attack?"

"We just said no!"

"When can I fight?" groaned the monster.

"When we are done talking."

"Grrr."

"Blah blah blah..."

"When does blah blah end?"

"When we've regained energy."

"Blah blah blah..."

"May I attack?"

"No!"

"Blah blah..."

"May I attack?"

"No!"

"May I attack?"

"NO!"

While the Power Ranger were blabbing, Gregory the Dragon arrived from the land of dragons and roasted all Power Ranger. Then FF cut the hair of all the others and ran upstairs, where the Toa were calmly talking about fanfics.

"Ah! You're here Feline Freak, we wanna know something about..." started Takanuva.

"ARE YOU GUYS HEROES OR NOT?" asked the author, eyes flashing red.

"Uh, yes."

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE ME OR MAX OR WHOEVER'S SIDE YOU ARE ON A HAND?"

"We are not anime heroes," protested Tahu.

"DON'T SAY THAT WORD!!!"

"What? Anime?"

"AARRRRGH!"

"What? I only said Anime."

With a roar the FF threw herself on Tahu and started eating his leg.

"I just realized something!" said Lewa. "There are no yuri fanfics!"

The author stopped breaking her teeth on metal and looked at Lewa.

"Huh?"

"I said there are no yuri fanfics." repeated Lewa.

"Stupid thing, maybe it's because Gali is the only female Toa?!"

"Yeah, but she could somehow travel in the past and fall in love with Nokama."

******Yuri writer: Hey! Thanks for the idea.**

Gali turned to Lewa foaming from her mouth.

"You idiot! You just ruined my life! But you'll pay for this!" roared the Toa and jumped onto Lewa, throwing water on him until he was as wet as a wet towel.

MoN: Is it just me, or are your left ideas very violent?

FF: No, it's just these ideas. But in the next chapter I'll make the Toa do the thing I brought them here for hoping that no Anime jumps in the way.

Edaj: Why do you hate anime so much anyway?

FF: If I knew it I wouldn't ask myself every night. Anyway, bye bye till the next chapter!

******

* * *

**

******Disclaimer 2: None of the anime characters are mine. Please don't send me reviews asking me why I hate anime so much. I don't know it myself. I remember I used to like it very much. I don't know what changed... BUT! I'm not that sort of people who stop reading a fanfic just bacause it's in anime stile. So if I read a good fanfic in anime stile (that I like) I'll keep reading it. I'm not going to stop just because they remind me of sailor moon. (Actually, sailor moon is the only character I know why I hate it. It's because of their stupid outfits. Ugh!)**

******Disclaimer 3: Tahu's pride is my invention, but you can use it as much as you want. Just don't use it's clothes! The hig-heeled shoes belong to my mom. The underpants to my bro and the undershirt to me.**

******  
**


	8. KG have a date

Weeks had passed since the Anime attack, and everything went on normally. FF was writing her other fanfic, the Toa were walking around the city to bring terror and destruction and to gaze amazed at wheels (those who saw The Making Of: Bionicle2, know that there are no wheels inside Bionicle)…Everything normal!

What?

School?

Oh yeah, right, school: the daily nuisance, couldn't we just get over that?

Anyway, the author still hadn't forgotten that a certain _Kira, Toa of..._ where's her review? Where is Kira's rev... oh! She's called _The Wolf Angel Princess_ now! Okay, as long as she doesn't change name again while I'm writing this. So, FF still hadn't forgotten about a review left by _Antler_, then called _Kira, Toa of Blade_ and then _The Wolf Angel Princess_. She had asked me to have a date between Kopaka and Gali, so I brought them on earth to make them have a date in a romantic restaurant!

**Gali: What's a rest-or-lunch?**

**Me: Restaurant, it's a place where you pay to eat.**

**Gali: Why do we have to pay to eat?**

**Me: Because otherwhise the poor cooks would starve!**

**Gali: But can't they eat what they cook?**

**Me: No, only the customer can eat it!**

**Gali: Crust-Homer?**

**Me: No custom... how do you know the Simpson anyway?**

**Gali: What? Sim-Sons?**

**Me: Nevermind, it's normally boys stuff.**

**Gali: Why normally?**

**Me: 'Cause they actually make me... weren't we talking about restaurants?**

**Gali: Yes, and I don't understand why only the costume...**

**Me: Customer.**

**Gali: Whatever. Can eat it. Are the cooks on a diet?**

**Me: No! But they have to cook for everyone that goes and eats at the restaurant!**

**Gali: But why do people go at a restaurant in first place?**

**Me: Because it's romantic! (Or because they're too lazy to cook,)**

**Gali: What's romantic in paying to eat?**

**Me: What's this? A remake of Atlantis with Gali as Princess Kida?**

In that moment, a girl with long white hair comes in and starts kicking around FF-

**Princess Kida: You evil earth girl! You shouldn't have done that!**

**Me: Ouch! What?**

**Princess Kida: Use my name in a fanfic!**

**Me: Your name? Ouch... Oh! Oh sh...Ow!**

**Princess Kida: Yeah, so now do something about it, or you'll hear from me and from Milo!**

**Me-groans- Okayouch!But stop kicking me!**

Princess Kida goes away, leaving FF on the floor-

**FF: Ow... Where were we? Oh yeah!**

But there was a problem! First, she had to reach the computer to answer reviews, but all the Toa were standing there, reading fanfics that talked about them!

"MwAhahahaha" laughed Tahu. "I win! I'm in the most pairings!"

"You're a git," hissed Kopaka.

"What? You dare insult me?" asked the hot-headed Toa.

"Yes, I do!"

"You traitor! You'll pay for that!"

"Now stop it, you to!" interrupted Gali. "Let's meditate over our differencies and..."

"Shut up, waterbrain!" grumbled Pohatu.

"BANZAI!" shouted FF for no reason and threw a bucketful of water on Pohatu's head. Miraculously, the water didn't reach the PC.

"Aaaaargh! It's wet and cold! And it's metal!" screamed Pohatu, running aroung with the bucket on his head.

So finally, FF reached the computer and could read the reviews with the Toa.

**Lewa: I didn't find that funny! I had to squeeze and wrench myself for hours!(nightbug08)**

**FF: Yeah, I think you'll be seeing a Tahu vs Kopaka soon. And you're right, those are rare. (Probably because nobody wants to think too muh about who is the winner,)**

**Tahu: Yay! I'll get to kick Kopaka's butt for what he said today!**

**Kopaka: UKE?**

**FF: Nevermind what I wrote. Hope you'll start writing again! Aaaah! Slythergrl!**

**Pohatu-bucket still on the head- If there wasn't an eighth chapter, I wouldn't be a statue because I used my powers on myself.**

**FF: But you aren't a statue!**

**Pohatu: Hey, it's true! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!**

**FF: ...**

**Kopaka: ceestar? Oh, good. Finally someone who doesn't like this rubbish...**

**FF: You don't have to read it if you don't want to. It's just some nonsense my brain cooks up when it's overloaded.**

**Onua: Star Wars nut? I think you're reading the wrong fanfic, there are no aliens here...**

A little green man from mars falls through the window, stands up, and walks calmly out of the room.-

**Everyone: ...**

**Gali: Yeah, I didn't believe that either when I heard it, starainbow. Then I was introduced to the fanfic.**

**FF: Whaddaya mean?**

**Gali: That this story is a complete nonsense!**

**FF: Thanks! Now back to the fanfic.**

Once all reviews were answered, FF started writing the real chapter...

_**KG Finally Have Their Date and I'm Late**_

It was a very cold day in the city, it could have been another ice age, if it wasn't that the snow was melting. A new mission attended the masked hero!

No one knew who he was, for no one had ever seen his face. Whenever he jumped into action, he wore a mask. Everybody called him: Ice SS. But nobody ever found out what that SS stood for.

He was strong, he was tough, he was...

"Spiderman!" yelled the crowd.

The red and blue costumed guy started swinging through the roads, people pointing up at him and screaming as something green was came nearer on some kind of flying platform...

"Aaaaargh! Now you'll pay for this, spiderman!" screamed Lewa. "I'm the best vineswinger in the world!"

And before Spiderman could react, Lewa summoned a Daikau (A Mata-Nuian carnivorous plant) (A/N How can it be carnivorous on a robot island?) from nowhere and spiderman was eaten. (By the Daikau, not by Lewa)

But this has nothing to do with K/G's date, or the masked hero, so let's go on.

Our masked hero ran silently through the city. But it was too late. He was never going to get there in time! Finally the building came into view.

"Finally!" snapped a voice at him. "I've been waiting for thirty minutes! We were supposed to meet a four'oclock!"

"Sorry, Gali," said the masked hero. "But I was distracted by a Daikau eating Spiderman!"

"What! Aawww, I wish I had seen that! Oh, well, come on Kopaka, let's get inside."

So the two entered the new restaurant: Le Daguerre. (A name I got from school. French restaurantFrench speaking, this will be tough)

Inside, there were candles and everything you needed for a romantic dinner. Too bad everything looked like the place was a castle ruin. But even so, there were all kinds of guests. From Harry and Cho to the Little Green Man from Mars (the one that crashed in my house) and his Venusian girlfriend. (ya know, men come from mars...) The two sat down and waited for the waitress to come.

"Bonjour Madame, Bonjour, Monsieur" said a blonde, tall woman. If they hadn't been in a restaurant, this could have been model. She was also the reason the restaurant was in so bad conditions. Every husband or boyfriend stopped looking at their wife or girlfriend to stare at this french waitress, so eventually, everyone had stopped coming here.

"Je suis Madame Rigot, votre serveuse," said the waitress.

"Uh, okay," mumbled Gali.

"Qu'est-ce que vous désirez?"

"What?" asked Kopaka.

"Portes trois kilos des pommes e vingt kilos des bananes à le numero quatre-vingt-dix-neuf..."

**Reader: What the heck is she saying?**

**FF: I'm not sure myself, I'm just copying something off my book and making up the rest.**

**Tahu: You actually learn how to behave at a restaurant?**

**FF: No, we learn how to talk at a supermarket. But it's close enough, I think.**

"Where's Nokama when you need her?" whined Gali.

"Nous avons aussi des spaghettis..."

"I'm killing FF!" growled Kopaka.

"You're killing me?" asked FF. "Well, then no interpreter."

"NONONONONO!" Gali stopped FF. "Please come back!"

FF came back and started talking to the waitress with her horrible French.

"Mademoiselle, qui sont ces robots?"

"Uh, if I wrote it right," said FF. "She asked who these robots are."

"Tell her we're Gali and Kopaka." said Kopaka.

"Umm, ils sont Gali et Kopaka." translated FF. The waitress looked without understanding.

"Gali et Kopaka?"

"Tell her we are Toa, that we come from Mata Nui and that we don't understand French," said Gali.

"Uuuh, oui. Gali et Kopaka Nuva. Ils sont... ummm... (goes on the web and puts the Bionicle website in french) Ils sont Toa er ils... uuhhh... un moment... (takes out a small book called: French for Dummies) ah! Ils viennent! So that's how you say 'they come'. Alors, ils viennet de ummm... (checks Lexicon on web) Mata Nui. Ils ne parle pas français."

"Oooh! Gali et Kopaka! La Toa de l'Eau et le Toa de la Glace! Mon fils adore les Bionicle!"

"Hmmm, I wonder how you pronounce Bionicle in French..." mumbled the author. She had barely said this, when her french teacher knocked her unconcious because she had been reading Bionicle-French while she was only supposed to learn France-French. Personally, I'd prefer Swiss-French, they count normally there, at least. (Those who study french know what I'm talking about)

In that moment, the other Toa ran in followed by Spiderman's ghost who was chasing them. When they were all inside the restaurant, the waitress put on a cowboy hat (wasn't she French?) jumped on a horse and lassoed the Toa. Then, she took off her mask to reveal she was actually an ugly alien from outer space!

"Mwahahahaha!" said the alien. "You've fell in our trap! Now our sons will finally be happy!"

"What? You can speak English!" protested Kopaka. "And you made us sit there like idiots for the whole time!"

"Yeah, I was acting." said the alien. Then it clicked some buttons revealing that the restaurant was actually a rocket.

But Spiderman's ghost was still free. He jumped, flew through the air, did fifty midair flips and saved Mary Jane.

And as usual that doesn't interest more that the table my keyboard is lying on. So let's explain why these aliens are here.

They had landed on earth just five minutes before, despite the fact that the rocket was there since middle age. Then, they had dressed up as cars with a headache and started looking for the Toa.

"And what happened to the cars with a headache?" asked Pohatu.

"They ran out of gas and are now somewhere in Arizona," answered the alien.

"Where are you bringing us to?"

"To our planet Njfhiugfsdjgfafv! Mwahahahaha!"

"What are you gonna do with us?"

"You know, we aren't sure between torturing you..."

"Aaargh!" screamed the Toa.

"Killing you in two-thousand different ways at once..."

"Is that possible?" asked Gali.

"Yep."

"AAAAaargh!"

"Use you as wives and husbands for the ugliests on the planet..."

"AAAAAArgh!"

"Clean you..."

"Uuuuh"

"...in fifty-foot deep water..."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" squealed Pohatu.

"Sing you HAPPY BIRTHDAY..."

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"Use you as babysitters..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Or just enslave you!"

"HHHHHRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!" came a voice from the kitchens. Krekka wearing a cook hat and diapers came in and started strangling the alien.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! ALIEN FROM ANOTHER PLANET!" roared the evil guy. "I'M GONNA STOP YOU!"

"?" was the Toas' comment.

"I'M THE ONLY SLAVE MERCENARY ON MATA NUI!" he roared. "AND I DON'T WANT TO BE REPLACED BY A..."

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiai!" shouted somebody, and Lewa came flying in and threw himself on Krekka.

"Hang on!" objected Gali. "How can this be if Lewa is tied up with us?"

She had barely said this, when Lewa fell to the ground, tied up tightly.

"If that's Krekka," started Tahu. "Where's Nidhiki?"

In that moment, a spider-like creature jumped down from a spiderweb in the ceiling and ate Mary Poppins, who was flying around with Bert and her umbrella, then he burped loudly.

"Any other quessssssstionsssss?" asked Nidhiki.

"Yes," started Tkakanuva. Everyone tried to stop him, but they were all tied up, they yelled so loudly that they broke the windows (which were already broken) and threatened him, but he didn't listen. "If Lewa isn't tied up with us, then who is?"

The Spiderman-eating Daikai snapped at him.

"Okay," muttered Tahu. "I'M THE LEADER OF THE TOA, AND I COMMAND YOU ALL TO SHUT UP!"

The whole restaurant went quiet, as is someone had turned off the audio.

"So?" asked Tahu.

Silence

"Hmmm..."

More silence 

"Not that quiet!" he protested.

"Sorry, sir." said one of King Arthur's knights.

_>Back at FF's home_

FF wakes up and finds out that while she had been unconcious the whole story had turned inside out-

**FF: What the...? Oh, great, I can't leave them alone a second that the story goes out of control. -teleports herself to the restaurant-**

_>Back at the restaurant_

When FF popped in she found the evil alien from planet Njfhiugfsdjgfafv sitting on a lamp and meditating peacefully about what to do with the Toa while Krekka was strangling it. Six of the seven Toa were tied up together with a Daikai plant who had just eaten through the ropes and was now munching on Tahu who was having fun commanding everyone around, since everyone actually obeyed him. Lewa was lying on the floor, tied up with Goldilocks's hair. Nidhiki was running around trapping everyone with a sticky net and then eating them. Everyone else was still having their date as if nothing was.

"ENOUGH!" shrieked the author. Then she jumped on Onua's shoulders, did a triple mid-air flip, sprayed Nidhiki and Krekka with Dark-Huntericide and left the Daikai eat the Alien before throwing it into the Great Furnace of Metru-Nui (as an after-effect of the alien-diet and the nonsense of the fanfic, the Daikau evolved to the Morbuzakh...). Then she made everyone else disappear and Useless Insane Writer come back before jumping off the rocket and sending it back to Mata Nui.

**Tahu: How can you actually do that?**

**FF: I can't, but in fanfics averything is possible -grins like a maniac-**

As soon as the Toa landed on their beloved island they were greeted by the two hot-pink Toa that everyone knows and MoN. Then they set off for Metru Nui on their new ship: The Titanicle...

* * *

Okay, a bit of rubbish I wrote to clear my brain. As usual I remind everyone that Bionicle isn't mine, the aliens belong to their planets, the rocket was made of cardboard and is now torn to pieces, that I'm not going to kill anybody, that you don't have to read this, that my sense of humor sucks, and that I like chocolate ice cream (What's this doing here?). And that the next chapter will take ages. 

Tahu: Yay!

FF: What?

Tahu: You're gonna take ages to write!

FF: Nope, I'm having a normal imagination leak.

Tahu: And that means?

FF: It means I'm writing the next chapter now.

Tahu: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

FF: Oh yeah, before i forget, that stuff about the Simpson is that a friend of mine watches them and then he tells me what happened, but he has a way af telling stories that make me laugh, he's really good.

Sister: Who, your boyfriend?

FF: Friend, just friend.

Sister: Yeah right...


	9. The First Three Days on the Titanicle

Before we start, some of you might be asking themselves whether this is becoming a Bionicle/Titanic crossover. Answer is: No, no and no. I never saw the movie, all I know is that Leonardo DiCaprio plays some role in it (and drowns), but for contract reasons, no one is allowed to die in this story, so this can't be a Titanic crossover.

**Tahu: What about that alien last chapter?**

**What I mean to say, is no one that doesn't belong to my insane mind.**

**Jade: And to which category do we belong to?**

**MoN: I think we're her property, but I don't think she'll kill us. She needs us for other humor stories.**

**Tahu: Will there be others?**

**MoN: Only time will tell.**

And before I forget: thanks to Star wars nut, Slythergrl2004 and to starainbow12 (I've been reading it, just not on the computer)

First 3 Days on the Titanicle

The Toa and the Matoran quickly found a place on the huge ship. No one knew how it had got there, or why they needed a so big one, but nobody wanted to risk little green men from mars walking around it, not after the last chapter, so FF found she didn't have to punish anyone.

**Bionicle: Yahoooooo!**

In fact, she was so happy that everyone was being good, that she sent them a TV, a DVD player and a DVD.

"Yay!" said a small Matoran. "Movies!"

"What's the movie called?" asked Tahu, looking at the cover of the DVD. It showed a golden mask shining light from the eyeholes, and black figure that no one could recognize standing on nothing but in front of the mask.

"I don't know," muttered Gali. "I can't read this language..."

"Let's ask Nokama!" said Pohatu. But unfortunately, Nokama was having a swim with the sharks that swam around the Titanicle waiting for a Matoran to fall in (the sharks were waiting, not Nokama) and Jade and Edaj and MoN were running around on the dock playing pirates.

"Please! Can we watch the movie?" asked another small matoran.

"We have to make sure it's not a bomb or something!" said Takanuva (A/N: I said he was paranoic.). The Matoran started crying.

"Okay, okay!" said Tahu. "In the contract it said that we can't die anyway." Then he bent down on the DVD player and tried to open it.

"Which leads me to a question," said Onua. "Why?"

"This thing won't open!" grumbled Tahu, pulling on the DVD drive.

"Maybe you have to unscramble a code!" said Lewa.

"Do you see codes here?"

"Well, maybe it's hidden!"

Tahu kept pulling on the DVD player, and it would have probably broken if Pohatu hadn't remembered something.

"I saw one of these in FF's house!" he said. "I think she pushed one of these buttons..." With that, he clicked on everything he could find, including a countdown button that made a rocket in Antartica blast off, but instead of going to the moon it fell on Mata Nui and exploded.

**Mata Nui: Waaaaaaaaaaah! I had just managed to turn myself orange and now I'm black like my brother :-(  
**

**Makuta: Boo-hoo. I feel unloved ;-;  
**

Ignoring what had just happened over their heads (they're under the island of Mata Nui) the Toa went on with their quest: insert the mysterious DVD in the DVD drive...

"Maybe we should try with a screwdriver..." started Pohatu.

"And how are we rebuilding it then?" muttered Tahu.

"We could ask Nuparu." said Gali.

"Yeah, and then maybe we'll get a TV boxor machine." said Kopaka.

"Could be a solution." smiled Lewa.

"And what if Bohroks arrive and it runs after them?" grumbled Onua.

"We run after it to watch the movie!" said Takanuva.

They kept traing to insert the DVD in the DVD drive for five hours, finally, Tahu lost his patience (Everybody: Which patience?) and tried to smash the DVD player against a wall, but it bounced and knocked him on the head. Angrly, he stomped on it trying to show it who was the boss, but it wouldn't surreder.

"What are you doing Tahu?" asked a voice. He turned to face Edaj.

"This thing from your world won't open! And it won't obey me! It has to pay for that!" growled the Toa of Fire.

"Of course it won't open! it isn't plugged in!" snapped the white and pink Toa.(that is actually black blacker than Onua's black but lighter than Makuta's black and blahblahblah)

Everyone stared at the DVD player with a dumb expression. Edaj plugged the DVD player and immediately it opened (let's skip the "installing everything" part on the instructions, will we? Everyone: NO! Me: Darn.).

"Oh," muttered the red Toa, becoming red. (Me:...)

"Hang on!" protested Takanuva. "What's that DVD?"

Edaj ignored him and started reading the instructions, which were, as usual, in three hundred languages. Guess which one was missing? No... it wasn't Japanese. NO! Not Mata Nuian Circle Writing! That isn't a language! No, there was French ('French' includes the instructions to read each word and each number), but I'm not writing stuff in French this time! No. No. No. No. N... what language is actually Ginevric? No. No. No. Oh come on! ENGLISH was missing!

_(Note: This nearly really happened to us because I had hidden the english instruction book. Don't ask me why...)_

"I knew it couldn't be that easy," muttered Tahu. Edaj shrugged.

"Oh, well," she said. "I guess I'll just try..."

After three days she had managed to set the DVD player so that it showed images in black and white and the sound was blocked on Russian.

"It's a start!" she pointed out. Tahu looked at her doubtfully.

"Oh, come on! All you have to do is this!" and with a black-belt Karate move, she hit the TV, which immediately turned colored and the people in it started talking english again.

"I think I'm going insane..." muttered Tahu. The matoran kids started screaming at the top of their lungs because they wanted TV.

"So, what's the movie anyway?" asked Takanuva.

"Oh, it talks about a Ta-Matoran with a blue mask..." started Edaj. Then she stopped, looking at Takanuva as if expecting some reaction.

"Ta-Matoran don't have blue masks!" he protested. For some reason, Edaj stared at him as if he had just said Makuta is a frog wearing a hamster as a hat.

"Oh well who cares," said the golden Toa. "Go on."

"One day, he's exploring the falls and finds a strange mask that was stuck in a totem,"

"Interesting, what was the Matoran's name?" said Takanuva.

"Takua."

"That reminds me of something... maybe he was one of my lost cousins?" asked the Toa of Light. By now, everyone was staring at him.

"Takanuva, I can't believe it!" Onua said.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"What!"

"You're a star!" squealed Gali exitedly. "They did a movie on your story!"

"They did?"

"Yes! Takanuva, did you leave your brains on earth or something?" asked Pohatu, Takanuva stared at him without understanding.

"Look, Takanuva," said Lewa, trying to speak normally and not in tree-talk. "Before you turned into a Toa, you were a Matoran, right?"

"I was?"

"Yes, and you wore a blue mask."

"I did?"

"And your name was Takua!"

"Really?"

"Yes! Do you remember now? The Mask of Light? The search for the seventh Toa?" asked Pohatu, hoping that FF hadn't been tampering with their minds like Makuta did.

"OH! Yeah right! The search!" said Takanuva. "What were we looking for anyway?"

Silence fell on the ship.

Any confusion? Let me explain: All the Toa forgot they used to be Matoran before they turned into Toa, except for the Turaga. (I firmly believe the Toa were Matoran before, and if you have LoMT, click on: Extra Material (or whatever it's called) and then on: The Legend Revealed (or something like that) In one of the answers to the questions, the productors will mention the Turaga creating the Toa Olda.) So obviously, Takanuva forgot too! Will he remember? Yep, he will, for contract reasons...

**Tahu: This contract is starting to sound VERY suspicious. Who wrote it anyway?**

MoN: FF

Tahu: WHAT? FF wrote it? FF wrote that no one is supposed to die?

MoN: Yep.

Kopaka: Why?

MoN: You'll see...

The Toa were at the edge of desperation, when one of them (not saying names) had a great idea: They would show Takanuva the movie and hope he'd remember everything. So they put the DVD inside the DVD player, chose "English" as a language, and made all the kids sit down. Then, the movie started...

The Buena Vista thing...

The Lego thing... (or was the Lego thing first and the other second? Oh well..."

Finally, the title...

**_BIONICLE: MASK OF STUPIDITY_**

And that's how a crazy adventure turned into a remake of Bionicle 1: Mask of Light...

SEEYOUINTHENEXTCHAPTERTHATWILLPROBABLYTAKEALOTOFTIMETOWRITESORRYTOEVERYONE!

Disclaimer: Bionicle isn't mine. (luckily for humorless and hard-core fans!)

MWAHAHAHAHA! So evil, finish the chapter at this point... three guesses what's gonna happen now!


	10. The Lava Fall Scene or CA is back!

Mwahahahahaha! I'm back! Ready for Mask of Stupidity? Hehehehe...

Chapter 10: The Lava Fall Scene

Note the stuff in italic is the movie. plus, every time there is a it changes back from real adventure to movie.

**FF: So, where were we?**

_**BIONICLE: MASK OF STUPIDITY**_

_ In the time before time..._

**FF: STOP! Whoever wants to know the legend parody should read chapter 5**.

**Vakama: Then what do I have to do in here?**

**FF: Your job.**

**Vakama: But my job is to tell legends! -pouts-**

**FF: Oh, brother...**

_Speaker: In the time, before time, an evil author decided to take over an island. To do that, she decided to write a fanfic. After taking control over the inhabitants of the island, she changed the history of the place, so that everyone had read her lousy story to understand the world of Bionicle. But the Matoran wouldn't obey to her (Someone's Note: Didn't you just say she took control over them?) so she decided to rewrite their greatest success: the first ever Bionicle movie: Mask of Light._

**FF: Who exactly had this idea? Anyway, the real parody of the legend is chapter five. Whatever "speaker" says.**

_It was a very nice day of a very nice week of a very nice month of a not-so-nice year. It had been already three months without incidents, and the lessons that Tahu was taking seemed to be doing effect. He was now a complete pacifist, even though his body still kept the marks of his fiery past, spent bossing around the other Toa and bullying poor Lewa, who was, let's say it, no more than a kid_.

_In the next few hours there was gonna be the Kolhii tournament. Kolhii is a game where three teams, each made of two players, that armed with sticks and shields try to send a ball inside the goal, each one of the three protected by a goalie_, _who redirects the ball with his shield while his partner tries to shoot a goal._

_If you didn't understand anything, please add three times the number 8 to your reviews. If you understood everything, add the number 3 eight times. If you like Bionicle, don't read this further on._

**FF. What did I just write? FORGET ABOUT THAT! KEEP READING! Don't forget that this was my very first fanfic, and that if I don't write this I won't be able to do my homework!**

_There was just one tiny problem: one of the players of the Kolhii game, Takua, was missing. No one knew where he was, and even if the had, they wouldn't have cared much, as he couldn't score anyway. The real problem was that the other member of the team, Jaller, wanted Takua to play. No one knew why, and the best guess was that he couldn't play without his best friend. The truth was, that he had a bet going with Hahli, the sexy player of Ga-Koro. The bet involved a talking cow, a flying ball, and Takua. Not much of a problem, except for Takua, who had obviously completely forgotten about the match._

_So here we are, in the middle of a volcano, on a very nice day. And here, our story begins. And it doesn't begin like any normal story, our story, begins with a shout..._

"_TAKUA!" shouted Jaller. "Takuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaa!"_

"_He's got more rocks in his head than a Po-Matoran..." he mumbled. Then he spotted something leaned against the wall that looked like Takua's small bag and his Kolhii stick. For those who don't know, a Kolhii stick is a cross between a hammer, a stick and a spoon. The spoon stick out from one end, the hammerhead from the other, and the stick is the part you hold. It's very useful also for hammering nails or eating ice-creams. If there is such thing as ice-cream on Mata Nui._

_Anyway, being very smart, he decided to go inside the volcano. Any other person would have run away from the black opening that was the mouth of the volcano, but he was more stupid than brave, so he went inside._

_After hours of going down the spiral staircase, he felt very dizzy. So he decided to rest for a second. While he rested, a blue mask appeared from behind a rock. It was Takua. And next to him was his Ussal Crab Pewku. They seemed to be exploring the cave._

_But they weren't. Simply, they had lost themselves while playing a normal game of hide and seek. Then, they had seen a totem, and decided to play 'Mission Impossible'. I have no idea what the rules are, since it's my brother that plays it. It's no a computer game though. Anyway, I'm positive that it doesn't involve everything I'm writing._

_Takua put a CD in his Walkman, so that the music of 'Mission Impossible' echoed through the cave. At this point, Takua jumped out of his hiding place and pulled out his bow and Robin Hood hat. He put his hat on his head and shot an arrow tied to a rope. Incredibly, the arrow hit the wall and stayed stuck there._

_After checking whether the rope held, Takua started climbing over to the other side of the invisible river. No one knew what the river was made of, the only thing everyone knew was that you couldn't see it. In fact, nobody was sure it was there. But let's get back to Takua. He was in the middle of the river when he heard a shout._

"_Takua!"_

_Startled, he jumped a foot in the air and turned around. I still don't understand how he did it. Jaller kept on talking._

"_What are you doing down here alone? You're supposed to be at the Kolhii match?"_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yeah, deadly sure!"_

"_Well, the Kolhii match will have to wait!" said Takua. "I, agent 00TAKUA, have to save the world!"_

"_Um, are you sure that's part of Mission Impossible?"_

"_No, I never saw the movie._(A/N nor did I)" _answered Takua... sorry, agent 00TAKUA. Then, he took off all his clothes, tied a cloth around his waist, and howling at the top of his lungs like Tarzan, he jumped on the rope, ran to the other side, did thirty mid-air flips and landed on the ground._

"_Very impressive," commented Jaller, clapping his hands. "Now the world is safe! Come on!"_

"_No!" said agent 00TAKUA. "First, I must turn off the bomb!"_

"_There's no bomb!"_

"_Yes there is!" said agent 00TAKUA, pointing to the totem. with a quick move, he was on top of the totem. He pulled off the cloth and jumped into his karate suit, then he raised his hand and with a black-belt karate move, he broke it into pieces._

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he cried, holding his broken hand. "My hand! My hand! Help me, Jaller, help me!"_

"_Catch Takua!" said Jaller, throwing him a small tube of glue._

"_I can't use this as a hand!" protested Takua._

"_Use it to glue your hand back on!" said Jaller, rolling his eyes._

"_Oh,"_

_After finding all the pieces of his hand Takua glued them back together, then, he decided to attack the totem with a less elegant way but more efficient. He grabbed the totem and threw it against the wall. It broke._

"_WOW!" said Takua when he saw what was inside. "A great Kanohi mask!"_

_The mask was of a golden color, and it shone so brightly when Takua grabbed it that the poor Matoran was blinded by its light. Staggering around blindly, the blue masked Matoran fell into the invisible river..._

The screen turned blank.

**Voice: We are extremely sorry for the interruption, but FF wanted to tell the dear readers that originally the mask looked like a pig's snout ang was a bright gray in color. But it was changed because of two obvious reasons: the first is that Takanuva's mask is golden in this story, as the movie wasn't planned originally. The second reason is that our dear author had no idea how gray can be bright.**

"Who cares!" shouted Takanuva, who had been laughing the whole time seeing that strange Matoran break his hand. "I want to see what happens now."

All the other Toa banged their heads on the ground.

The screen turned on again:

_ "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screeched Takua, as he had no idea whether Ta-Matoran could swim. Of course, a surfer should be always able to swim, but lava has a different density than water, besides, even if you fall in, it's not like it helps much if you can swim or not. So, obviously, Po-Matoran can't swim, as they're made of rock._

"I must've missed some part of this," muttered Tahu. "What do Po-Matoran have to do with this?"

"Hey!" protested Pohatu. "We're Bionicles too!"

"Yes, but you don't have to do anything with the context!"

"Why not? We've got all the right to be nominated in this story, even though originally we were only in the Kolhi match!"

"Yes, but not here!"

"Typical!" growled Pohatu, raising his hands. "You always want to be in the center of attention! There's no room for the others! After all, they aren't surfers like you, so why should they be worth talking about?"

"That's not what I meant!" protested Tahu weakly. "It's just that I don't understand what Po-Matoran have to do with lava surfing!"

"You see? If it isn't all about lava surfing it isn't worth talking about!"

"No! I meant that Po-Matoran don't fit with the context!"

"And the context is about lava surfing!" retorted Pohatu. "You see! Nothing fits if it isn't about lava surfing!"

Tahu sighed and decided not to interrupt for the rest of the movie.

_ Anyway, we just decided that Ta-Matoran can swim. But how can you swim in an invisible river? Takua was asking himself the same thing when he realized that if the river is invisible there is no river! The next second, he was plummeting towards what looked like the ground. When suddenly..._

**FF: if there is no river it's just because I couldn't think of what to use instead of lava. so i didn't use anything.**

**Readers: Hello? We wanna know how this goes on!**

**FF: Yeah, in a second.**

_But all of a sudden..._

**FF: You know, I really have the feeling I'm running out of ideas. Once I could've turned this in a total nonsense. Something like... dunno, I don't have anymore ideas.**

**Readers: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...**

_Something happened..._

**FF: Yeah, but... what?**

**Readers: Aaaaaaaaaaargh!**

**FF: Just kidding!**

**Readers: "&&§/$&"!**

_A tall, red guy wearing sunglasses and whose body was all covered in tattoos appeared from nowhere, and surfing the invisible river he reached the falling Takua, grabbed him, and hugged him tightly._

"_My nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice teddy Matoran!" said the red guy. "What would I have done without you? I would've started killing people again! I would've given up my nonviolence principles! I would've become a punk again!"_

"WHAAAAAAT?" screamed Tahu.

"Ssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht!" went everyone around him. "Quiet!"

"_Toa Tahu!" said Takua in surprise. "What are you doing here?"_

"_Saving my nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice ..."_

"_Yeah, alright," said Takua. Then, he realized that something was missing for this part: his teddy bear ears! He had forgotten them at home! What would he do now? How could he play the teddy bear part without his ears? It was a desperate situation! Then, the real problem hit him..._

"_Um, Toa Tahu," he started. "How can we be surfing on an invisible river, if this river isn't there?"_

_Tahu stopped dead on his surf._

"_Oh," he said. Then they both crashed to the ground._

**FF: Um, sorry, but I have to get some ideas for the Kolhii match... so, um, i have to stop...**

**Readers: -sigh-**

* * *

Sorry, really sorry for the long update time! But I wanted to finish HotP, as I realized I keep mixing up the two stories if I write them together. If you have any idea for it, tell me! 

Slythergrl and starainbow: thanks for giving me permission to use your characters,as i will really need them for the madhouse. the insane asylum i'm closed in. Just kidding. (winks to slythergrl)


	11. The Kolhii ball scene sort of

Disclaimer: Bionicle isn't mine. McDonald also doesn't belong to me.

**A Kolhii ball scene**

_I think we left Tahu and Takua falling down inside the invisible river... but since I'm too lazy to check that out, we'll skip directly to the Kolhii match, (and I know, my chapter title keep getting worse and worse). It was a nice day, obviously, otherwise they couldn't have played Kolhii... now that I mention it, I never saw a raining day on Mata Nui. Except in Gali Olda's movie. Hmmm... _

_Anyway, how does it start again... with the speaker? No, the Toa had something to do with it... or with the teams? (doesn't see that lying next to her is MoL DVD)_

_Okay, let's start with the speaker..._

"_Here I am!"_ _called the speaker, smiling. "Now, first of all, we would like to thank the McDonald's company that's sponsoring this match. Now, welcome, to a new Kolhii match at..._

"_Hang on!" protested a Matoran. "What about all the poor Po-Matoran that have worked at this?"_

"_What?" asked the speaker._

"_I knew it!" wailed the Po-Matoran. "We Po-Matoran are just dust under the feet of you Ta-Matoran"_

_The speaker stared at the Po-Matoran as if he was crazy._

"_We want credits too! We built the arena!" protested a band of Po-Matoran._

"_No way!" screamed a Ta-Matoran. "The arena is made of lava! We built it! We are the only ones that can touch lava without burning our hands!"_

"_But you can't build anything out of it! WE built this place and WE want our credits!"_

"_What the heck are you talking about?" asked another Ta-Matoran._

"_What do you mean: what the heck are you talking about? About our civil rights!"_

"_Are there civil rights on Mata Nui?" interrupted a Ga-Matoran._

"_Ever since Vakama is the president, there are," said a Ta-Matoran."And they are all to make life better for us!"_

"_But this story takes place before Crazy Adventure!" added a Po-Matoran._

"_So you don't have civil rights!"_

**FF reads what she just wrote, sees this isn't going anywhere, sighs, tears off the page, crumbles it and throws it away.**

**Someone: How can you do that if you're writing it on the computer?**

**FF: You're right...**

**FF reads what she just wrote, sees this isn't going anywhere, sighs, tears off the computer, crumbles it and throws it away.**

**FF: Better?**

**Someone: Much better!**

**Someone else: No comment.**

_Okay, let's start with the speaker..._

"_Welcome, to the first game of Kolhii in the new..." the speaker paused a second, then added: "The Kolhii match is NOT sponsored by McDonald's because the author doesn't like McDonald's and encourages anyone that eats there to start eating better." _(no offense to anyone!)

_A roar of anger erupted from the crowd though I don't know why._

**In that moment, FF spots DVD next to her, bangs head against keyboard and then watches first part of movie.**

**hg 7zzzzzzzzz **(that's what happened when I banged my head) (and yes, that really happened)

_Since by now the Author got sick of this Kolhii ball scene, she used her immense powers to create clouds and rain out of nowhere, and make sure Gali couldn't shoo them away._

_Another roar of anger erupted from the crowd, and this time I know perfectly well why. Namely because with all the rain, all the food had gotten wet._

_Jaller banged his head with his own Kolhii stick._

"_Hey, Jaller," called a hot voice. "Looks like I won after all."_

"_Looks like it," said Jaller sadly._

_Maybe it's time I write a short biography about these two characters: Jaller and Hahli. Let's start with Jaller. He's the typical: follow all rules, do your job properly and seriously and if I catch you doodling during work then you can forget that you have one guy. Very serious, and I always suspected that he only did this to catch the Turaga's attention. But since I don't have proof for it, it won't take a major role in this fanfic. By the way, he's secretly in love with Hahli. Secretly meaning that everyone knows. Which gives me a perfect occasion to get on Hahli's biography._

_If anyone of you thinks that she's a shy, reserved girl, then forget it. Think playboy bunny, only as a Ga-Matoran. And sorry, but I can't give you examples, I don't go around the web looking for half naked girls. Unless... if you get my same pop-ups, then think of that girl that's looking for a boyfriend. Anyway, as I already mentioned, Hahli is that kind of girl that will flirt with about anyone, but never really fall in love seriously. Get it? Yes, I think you do..._

_Now explain me how these two can get together. No idea. Guess I should've read that book after all. Luckily we have Jade the Toa of Love here._

_No wait, she isn't there yet. Oh maaaaaaaaaan..._

_Anyway, I'll worry about it when it'll be time._

"_Takua sent no flying ball against no talking cow who threw no ball back into the Po-Metru goal," said Hahli with a smile. "I won."_

"_Looks like it," Jaller said sadly._

_Hahli bent down on him._

"_Come, on," she said, winking. "I'm still gonna visit you tonight."_

_For no reason, Jaller threw himself on Hahli, hugging her. Hahli stumbled backwards and lost her Kolhii stick, that hit Hewkii on the head so that he fainted and fell to the ground. Hafu tripped over the fallen Hewkii, so that his Kolhii stick flew away and he rolled into Takua who also crashed to the ground. The Mask of Stupidity flew from his backpack into Vakama's hands. And please don't ask me how the Mask got from the Invisible River to his knapsack because I don't know. That's why I didn't write about it in first place. Problably there was a magnet inside the bag._

**FF: Before we get off the topic, 'Kolhii' I'd like to ask a question. We know that Kolhii is a game where three teams play against each other. We also know that in the movie, Po-Koro had to score in the Ga-Koro goal, and Ga-Koro in the Ta-Koro goal. So I guess Ta-Koro had to score in the Po-Koro goal. Now here comes the question: what happens if Ga-Koro shoots in the Po-Koro goal? Who gets the point?**

_The second Vakama grabbed the mask, the Kolhii stick that had still been flying around hit the 2000000 Watt light that was standing there for no reason. Immediately, the light spot fell on... Jaller. (But everyone thought it came from the mask) Everyone gasped._

_XXXXX_

_Some time later, they were all standing in a uhm... cave? Dark room? How am I supposed to know! Nokama was translating the strange writing on the back of the mask. (human writing) Finally, she stepped forward, raising the mask._

"_This, is the Great and Only Mask of Stupidity," she said. "The... um..." Nokama turned around and whispered something to a strange figure standing behind her. Then she turned back to the Matoran. "It's very ancient and... heck, Feline Freak could think a bit more about it instead of letting me do all the job!"_

_In that moment, a flying spoon came in and started playing the can can on the columns of the room._

"_The legend says," continued Vakama. "That a long time ago, a mad scientist discovered a mysterious substance called protodermis. He soon found out that with this substance he could create about anything. In a sudden inspiration, he and his assistants built a secret laboratory beneath an island. Except that this lab was different that all the other: it looked like a city. And I'm sorry, but I can't tell you the name of the city because it will be revealed only at the end of the movie. Anyway, after many experiments, the scientist created all Bionicle. At this point, they suddenly had to go away, so they sent us two beings greater than all us, to guide us: Mata Nui and Makuta."_

_And here, Vakama paused._

"_For some reason we ignored, he also created their mother, and the only object that could destroy them: the Mask of Stupidity, also known as the Mask of Stupid Light. You see, only the Mask's light could destroy Makuta's shadow, and only its stupidity Mata Nui's brilliance."_

_Silence fell in the room._

"_Okay," mumbled Tahu. "That sounds nearly to stupid to be in this story."_

"_You know, Tahu," said Vakama. "The sad thing is that this is actually a serious theory. Leaving out the mask of stupidity and Mata Nui's and Makuta's mom. Originally it was that something went wrong when the scientist created Makuta, making him evil. Actually, while she's writing she's thinking of a complex plot behind it... but this isn't important now. Fact is that before dying, or escaping, the author isn't sure, this scientist created the Mask of Light to destroy Makuta. Whether it would work, isn't know yet. This would also explain who the great beings are: humans."_

"_The author is a human, right?" asked Pohatu._

"_Yes... why?" asked Turaga Onewa_

"_Seems to me as if these humans have a bit of of superior attitude."_

"_Yes, but you see, it's not their fault. Ever since they invented TV and advertisements they can't think of anything else except getting to power."_

"_Ah-ha. Was that really a serious theory?" _

"_Yes, but then," said Nokama. "The author decided that this theory sounded crazy enough to fit in CA... with a couple of changes."_

_Once again, silence fell in the room._

"_So, now what?" Toa Gali asked._

"Hello? Is Mr Tahu here somewhere?"

* * *

_**What's going on? Nothing to worry about. You'll find out.**_

**_Thanks to nightbug06 (yeah, chocolate pudding, I had thought of jam) and Aljhaqu_** **_(stiff and serious story trama? Are you kidding? You call six half-robots that jump around fighting about everything they can think of trying to defeat an immortal evil that can actually be killed to awake his brother serious? Yeah, I guess it is... (no, you're right, it IS serious, no matter how much Disney works on the humor when making the movies))_**


	12. Interview

**Strange pre-chapter thingy (answering to reviews):**

**Edaj:** Hey, Jade?

**Jade: **Yeah?

**Edaj: **Slythergrl wants to know why you're suddenly the Toa of Love instead of the Toa of Peace.

**Jade: **I am both, remember? (see chapter 2, when I still wrote in a mixture of British and American English)

**Edaj:** No you're not, you changed to only Toa of Peace when Slythergrl gave us permission to use Eli.

**Jade: **She did?

**MoN: **Yes, she did.

**Jade: **Whoops. Then it's true. Sorry.

**Edaj: **I think that with that, we can start.

**Chapter 12: Interviewing Tahu**

"Hello, is Mr Tahu here?" repeated the voice.

"Yeah, he's coming!" called Tahu. Then he turned to the other Toa. "Stop the DVD!"

"Why should we?" asked Pohatu.

"Because somebody just asked to see me, because I want to see how FF is tampering with our lives, and because I'm the boss!" snapped Tahu. "Enough reasons?"

"No," said Pohatu. "Why do we have to obey you in first place? We could just throw you off board!"

Tahu looked at the other Toa and the Matoran, who were, especially the kids, all looking at him with assassin looks. Realizing what the situation was, Tahu went away without complaining anymore, but he cursed the way up the stairs. Minutes later, Kopaka was called too, but since the way up the stairs was cursed, the middle staircase broke, sending him flying up the stairs.

The Matoran could now finally watch the DVD in peace, if it wasn't for...

"Please forgive us the interruption," said a man that had just appeared on the screen. "Mask of Stupidity will return soon enough. But first..."

_TATA taratatata TARATAAAAAAAAA_ _TA TA... TA... TA... TA... TA..._

A man appeared on the TV, ran up to the corner, kicked something offscreen, and the music started going again. Flashing lights appeared. Followed by 3D letters (with subtitles in Bionicle language):

**FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER ON TV:**

**THE MNIA PRESENTS:**

**TAHU vs. KOPAKA**

"What?" howled everyone in the room. But the boys immediately fell quiet when they saw the interviewer: a sexy, hot-pink Toa with a purple mask. Those familiar with a 'Change in the Wind' will recognize her. Everyone else, it doesn't mind. You'll get to know her soon. Though if you want, I'd recommend you to read the fanfic she comes from, then the story should become more fun knowing the background. But I'm quite sure that everyone here also read "The change in the wind," as it's always the same people around here. Anyway, let's have a look while the Toa watch the TV...

"So, I'm Talk Show Host Eli and we're here from the Titanicle for an interview to the hottest Toa Nuva ever!" said Eli, smiling sweetly. "And after request from Nova of the Khalai, we're interviewing Kopaka too, to get a perfect Tahu vs. Kopaka! Without the bloody part."

"I'm not sure this is going to work," murmured MoN, who was supervising the scene and had noticed the two Toa Nuva staring at Eli with their mouthes open.

"Don't worry," said Eli. "Slythergrl made me perfectly able to cope with these two!"

"Hey, babe, you have time after the interview?" asked Tahu with hearts instead of his eyes.

"Maybe," said Eli sweetly, then turned back to the camera. "By the way, Nova, you thought we had forgotten about the Tahu vs. Kopaka? No way. If anyone should feel forgotten please call any random number as we don't have our own and leave a review! No, back to our two sweeties... Name?"

"Tahu," said Tahu as in a trance.

"Kopaka," said Kopaka.

"Oh yeah, you're here too," commented Tahu with a disgusted look on his face.

"Yes,"

"Question number two," said Eli, still smiling. "Height?"

"Taller than Kopaka."

"Taller than Tahu."

"Um, that was meant in inches..."

"Stop!" interrupted MoN. "This way, it's way too confusing. Sorry to fanfiction dot net, but this time, script is needed."

Divider------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Divider End

E – Eli

T- Tahu

K-Kopaka

M-MoN

Writing in bold are the questions.

**Eli: Alright, question number two: Height?**

**Tahu: **We already had that.

**Kopaka: **I agree. But don't get used to it.

**E: **That was meant in inches, you two

**T: **In what?

**E: No idea. All right, next question: how much do you weigh?**

**T: **Uh...

**K: **Um...

**E: Nevermind. What? Shoe number? Any better questions out there? **

**T: **Hey, sweetheart, I have a better idea. We get one of the lifeboats and have a nice romantic ride out in the sea.

**K: **Yeah, and don't worry when he burns up the boat, that's where I come in, rescuing you from the sea... that means leaving Tahu.

**T: **Hey, stay away from my girlfriend!

**E: **When exactly did I become your girlfriend?

**T: **That's easy! From the first moment I saw you! Next question!

**M and E: **-just stare-

**K: **I have the feeling that that was not one of the interview questions.

**T: **Is it my fault if we don't see the bold writing?

**M: **This is gonna be a loooooong chapter.

**E: All right, all right! Nevermind! What's your favorite color?**

**T: **Blue, the color of your eyes baby... But leave out these stupid things! Let's finish this interview so we can have fun!

**E: **That WAS an interview question.

**T: **Oh, then red.

**K: **White.

**E: This is an interview question, Tahu. Who is your favorite female Toa Nuva?**

**T: **YOU!

**E: **I said NUVA!

**T: **Maaaaan, can't I choose an outsider?

**K:** Wait a second...

**M: **Yes, it is a bit obvious, we know.

**K: **Do we still have to answer this?

**M and E: **Yes!

**K: **Gali.

**T: **Eli.

**Everyone: -**groan**-**

**E: Next question: How do you like to spend you free time?**

**T: **Lava surfing. The most dangerous sport ever, can only be done by real experts. I am the absolutely BEST between all...

BONK

**T: **Ooooow!

**E: **Thanks MoN.

**M (with frying pan): **It was a pleasure.

**K: **Skiing.

**M: **Nothing else?

**K: **No.

**M: **Couldn't you answer using more then one word?

**K: **No.

**M: **Aaawwww, hitting you two was so much fun.

**E: Number seven: How are you going to spend your free time now that you aren't on Mata Nui anymore and you can't do the usual things?**

**T:** Having nice, romantic walks with you under the moonlight.

**M: **There is no moon on Mata Nui.

**T: **Oh... (takes out a phone) Greg? You have to immediately add a moon to Mata Nui and Metru Nui. It's a question of life and death!

**FF (on the other side of the phone): **Then die! -puts phone down-

**T:** Idiot of an author of this fanfic!

**K: **Staying away from everything and everybody.

**M: **You have a cheerful future in front of you.

**E: Next question: If you had hair, what color would it be?**

**T:** Huh?

**K: **What?

**M: **Tahu's most used hair color is red, while we have no information for Kopaka (FF was too lazy to read all humanized Toa stories and find out). If authors want to help us find out, leave your favorite 'Kopaka hair color' in your review. By the way, FF would use black hair for Tahu and a very light blond, nearly white for Kopaka.

**E: Interesting, though I don't think anybody cared. Eye color?**

**T: **Is that an interview question?

**E: **Yes.

**T: **A sort of pinkish red, unfortunately.

**M: **I thought you liked red.

**T: **I meant the pinkish part, do I have to explain it? -realizes something- Oops! Hey! No offense Eli! You're a beauty just like you are.

**K: **Blue.

**E: Okay. Now, question number ten: Do you have more male friends or female friends?**

**T: **What sort of questions are these?

**M: **Interview questions, now answer!

**T: **Mostly boys. Do I have to explain why?

**K: **I don't have friends.

**E: Was obvious... Okay, this is obvious too. Which element describes you more: fire, water, earth or air?**

**T: **FIRE! Fire that burns like the love inside me for you!

**K: **No ice?

**E: **Nope.

**K: **Frozen water.

**M: **That's a solution too.

**E: Okay, number twelve: Who's your best friend?**

**T: **Is it just me or are these questions a bit casual? Shouldn't this have gone with the: Do you have more male or female friends question?

**M: **Tahu, I'd just answer if I were you.

**T: **Yeah, but come on! These questions are just a bunch of sh...

**M: **Before you go on, you should know that Eli wrote them.

**T: **They're absolutely fantastic!

**E:** -whispers- That's not true, MoN.

**M: **Yeah, Tahu doesn't have to know that!

**E: **Good point. Now, answer the question Tahu.

**T: **If it said girlfriend it'd be Eli, but I guess I'll have to go with Lewa.

**Lewa: **Thanks Tahu! You're a good brotherfriend too.

**T: **Really? Thanks Lewa!

**E: **Where does this guy come from?

**Lewa: **True, you can be a bit hot-headed sometimes. And you ARE quite bossy, and a bit too full of yourself. And you do flirt with Kopaka's girlfriend, but apart from that, you're all right.

**T (trying not to burst in anger): **Thanks Le... Whoa! One second! What does that mean: I'm flirting with Kopaka's girlfriend? I'm not, I'm only flirting with Eli!

**E: **Lewa, maybe it's better if you...

**Lewa (not listening to Eli): **Exactly.

**T: **WHAT? THAT IDIOT OF KOPAKA AND ELI ARE TOGETHER? AAAARGH!

**M: **That's old news Tahu.

**T: **YOU BLOODY GIT! YOU THIEF! YOU "§&/$&§§&"§$"!

**K: **I think I got the point.

**T: **ELI! I forbid you to see this thing again! You have no right to...

**E: **Tahu! -points arrow at his throat-

**T: **You have all the right to do what you want, Eli.

**E: **Good, now please answer the question Kopaka.

**K: **I have no friends.

**E: A**nd what am I? -puppy dog eyes-

**K: **Only a girlfriend.

**E: **Oh.

**M: **You sure know how to make girls happy!

**E: Uh-oh, bad question:What do you think of the other one?**

**T: **Coldest idiot ever created by Mata Nui. That flirts with other guys' girlfriends behind their back when these girls have all the right to have a nice life with their boyfriend. without mentioning that if he spoke more than twice in a day, it'd kill him. Hey, why isn't he dead?

**K: **Greatest hot-headed idiot ever to be seen on Mata Nui. You could boil water just by using his temper. Oh, and the ever worst leader the Toa could have.

**T: **Ha! I'd like to see you command that band of losers!

**Other Toa (seeing everything from TV): **WHAAAAAAATT?

**M: **I wouldn't have said that.

New Divisor-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------New Divisor End

The second Tahu said that a strange rumble broke from one of the lower rooms, as knives, forks, guns, swords and plates were grabbed from the kitchens. The next second, a band of five strange beings with bloodshot eyes started stomping up the stairs, murmuring things like: "Death, blood, destruction, revenge, rebellion, death, blood, destruction, revenge, rebellion, death, blood, destruction, revenge, rebellion..."

"Uh-oh," said Tahu. "H-hey! Calm down... I was just looking for a smart answer to give to Kopaka..."

"Kill the leader!" screamed one of them. The five started running towards Tahu screamed and ran away, chased by the five armed beings. Obviously, Kopaka didn't do anything for it and stayed where he was to 'talk' a bit with the Talk Show Host.

In the meanwhile, Tahu was running for his life while the five beings, the other Toa, ran after him, throwing knives and swords at him. They had enough of being bossed around, poor guys. Tahu was obviously screaming at the top of his lungs, but that didn't do anything except re-awaken the Gahlok Kal from the dead, who immediately ran on the dock and started chasing the Toa Nuva.

"You killed Cahdok and Gahdok, the queens of the swarms! Now you'll pay for it."

Unfortunately, Gahdok's magnetic energy was still out of control, something that made the knives, the swords, the guns and the bullets fly towards it. Gahdok stared at the flying knives and swords, stopped dead, screamed and ran in the other direction, followed by the knives.

"Bohrok-Kal never change, always thieves," said Onua. "This time, they got our knives!"

There were nods of agreements from the other Toa.

"So?" asked Pohatu. "Now what?"

"Hmmm," said Lewa. "Last time, we had to retrieve our symbols. This time, we have to retrieve our knives!"

"So..." continued Gali.

"EVERYONE AFTER THE GAHLOK-KAL!" bellowed Takanuva. Shouting and howling and screaming, they ran after the Gahlok Kal, throwing the only weapon they had left, the plates, at it.

**Vakama: Why aren't the Toa magnetized too?**

**Lijo: Good question. (Hey, bet you forgot about us!)**

**Ojil: I don't know, but when Gahlok Kal's energy went crazy, they weren't magnetized either.**

**Lijo: Good point. So...**

**Ojil: It's up to Greg Farshtey to answer that question.**

Without a word, Tahu stood up, put on his best smile, and went back to the interview room. When he was nearly there there was a shout that sounded like: "He's coming!" the sound of chairs being moved and then silence. Tahu walked in without suspecting anything.

"I'm back!" he said. "Missed me?"

"No, everything alright," said MoN reading an upside-down magazine, but Tahu couldn't read so he didn't notice that.

"Yes, no problem," said Kopaka. He was sitting on a chair, with a bored look on his face. Tahu didn't notice the lipstick marks on his face because they were on the right side and he was looking at the left one.

"Okay, let's go on," said Tahu, sitting down and smiling like an idiot. "Next question."

Eli looked at MoN, confused. "Shouldn't we change to script again?"

"No, these is the last question anyway," said MoN.

"Okay then," said Eli, smiling sweetly again. "Now, last question: If the boat you are standing in, the Titanicle, should crash against an iceberg, break in two, fill with water slowly, and finally sink, leaving you with a too small number of lifeboats: What would you do?"

MoN stared at her. Tahu stared at her. Kopaka stared at her and cleaned the lipstick marks while doing it.

No one said anything.

Still no one said anything.

The Gahlok Kal ran through the room followed by an unspecified number on knives and five dish-throwing Toa.

For a couple of other seconds, no one said anything.

Finally, Tahu opened his mouth. "Repeat the question, please."

"If the boat you are standing in, the Titanicle, should crash against an iceberg, break in two, fill with water slowly, and finally sink, leaving you with a too small lifeboats: What would you do?" said Eli obediently.

"I don't get it," said Tahu.

"What do you mean, you don't get it?"

"Yeah well, FF obviously wrote it so that the readers would laugh their heads off, but I can't understand what's so funny about it."

"Tahu that was an interview question," said Eli calmly, and still smiling. "Answer, please."

"First thing, strangle Kopaka because an iceberg is obviously his fault," started Tahu. "Second, run out of the boat and jump on a lifeboat."

"That would sink," MoN pointed out. "They're too small, remember?"

"Then I'd run around in panic until one of the other Toa gets an idea," said Tahu.

"Yes," commented MoN. "We did notice that in the comics and books it's never you to come up with a great idea. Whatever, Kopaka?"

"I'd freeze a patch of the silver sea so everyone can get on it," said Kopaka.

"Okay," said Eli. "And with that question, we finished our live interview with Kopaka and Tahu!"

With that, she turned off the camera and turned to the other Toa.

"So, it was nice talking with you, but now, I really have to go," she said, smiling sweetly.

"Will we see you again?" asked Tahu.

"Who knows, if my owner let's FF use me after she read this, then it could be," she said with her usual sweet smile. Then, with a hand wave, she walked away.

The Toa stared after her as she disappeared in the distance. For a while, there was silence.

On the dock, the Gahlok Kal jumped off bord and ran away still followed by the knives. The Toa wanted to jump after it, but Jade used her powers to calm them down, so the Toa went back to watching TV, which was now once again showing MoS.

Tahu and Kopaka were still staring at the point where Eli had disappeared.

"There's only one thing I don't understand," said Kopaka. "How did she disappear in the distance if we're inside a room and on the other side of that wall is only the sea?"

"That girl has many secrets," said Tahu. "What I don't understand is what was supposed to be funny about that question!"

"Nothing Tahu, it was just any old question!" answered Kopaka.

"No, no, no," said Tahi, shaking his head. "There must be something behind this! I've been in this story for way too long to fall in her tricks. If she asked it, there must be a reason."

In that moment, the boat hit an iceberg.

* * *

Mwuahahahaha! Cliffhanger! Mwuahahahaha! 

Okay, why so quickly? Because the last chapter was downright lousy. I only posted it to interrupt MoS for a while. At least until I get better ideas for it. Now, thanks to Slythergrl that reviewed, and to everyone else: the impossible has happened: THIS STORY IS GETTING A PLOT!

TAM-TAM-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


	13. Chapter 13

Hehehehe... I'm back from my vacation! Anyone that cares?

**Toa: **Nuh-huh.

-me stares angrily at Toa-

**Reviews answering:**

**Slythergrl2004: **I hope your floor is clean... Hey look! I updated! Whole chapter written while I was at my grandparents' when I wasn't sleeping or drawing.

**Star Wars nuts: **Ehp? Wazzat? No, I got most questions from a random HP interview fanfic (don't ask me how it was called 'Cause I can't remember). But I thought the answers myself.

**MasteroftheIceblade: **Thanks for Toa Hair. Im glad you think it doesn't suck, though I'm not very convinced with the beginning of this story.

**DarknightofSpira: **Aren't you Slythergrl's friend? (yes, i know you are, she told me) it's just the beginning that's hard. Then, when you hit a good storyline, it's just trying not to get too serious. (Tip: if you see you are getting too serious, write a short chapter just to get out of the situation and try something else see ch. 11. Just don't stop writing and start over again, you might have written things in the first chapters that might come in handy later.)

**Admiral Andalite: **Actually, you got to chapter seven. Um... you mean the Bohrok Kal? Hang on! Just wait for me to read on your story. Rather crazy... and you thought? -.- (title)

_NOTE: if anyone should feel insulted by the contents of this fanfic, would like more pairings, jokes, or simply that i update more often, contact me at thisisntmyrealemail _at_ yahoo _dot_ com.°_

**Chapter 13, ready and up!**

The ship was slowly filling with water, and Tahu and Kopaka acted exactly as they had answered. Tahu panicked and started running around the deck, screaming and waving his arms as if he was insane. While he did this, Kopaka created a floating ice platform so that everyone could jump on it. But once made, the platform slowly started floating away. Quickly, everyone jumped on it, the Toa and MoN being the last. But when it was their turn, it was too late. The platform was already too far. And like in any other movie, for some reason Kopaka couldn't create another platform, and they couldn't simply swim to the old one.

**Gali: Why not?**

**Pohatu: Speak for yourself!**

**Gali: I could carry you.**

**Ojil: Women never carry men! Men carry women.**

**Gali: Why?**

**Ojil: Because that's the way it works in movies! (A/N: I didn't decide this. Go on, check all movies, books, fanfics you have! Who carries who?)**

**Pohatu: I'm never gonna cast for a movie.**

**Lijo: We are a bit off topic here. Why can't they swim to the platform?**

**Ojil: Because that's the way it works in movies!**

The Toa were on a rapidly sinking ship, famous for the dramatic way it disappeared: with lots and lots of tragic music. And to make it even more dramatic, it was sinking slowly, very slowly. At a speed of an inch per hour. This way, everyone would get a chance to say their last words.

The Toa were desperate, MoN was desperate, the crew was desperate, everyone was desperate. Even the sky was desperate, and so it started raining. But Gali was so desperate for unknown reasons that she forgot to stop the rain.

In that moment, something hit the ship, sending MoN's glasses flying through the air and into the silver sea, distracting everyone from their current problem.

"Noooooo!" wailed MoN. "My glasses!"

"You know," commented Tahu. "FF **could** think of something better. Everything in this fanfic is old stuff."

A killer flying piece of paper came flattering by and threw itself on Tahu, trying to murder him.

"What the-?" grumbled Tahu. He grabbed the paper bird and, using his origami skills he had acquired on earth thanks to FF (who sucks at origami...) he turned the piece of paper in a battered looking bird with a short and a long wing and a stump instead of a beak. (yeah, i might get something like that) The bird squeaked angrily and started pecking Tahu with his round beak.

Rumble rumble...

"Huh?" asked Pohatu.

Blubber blubber...

"What's going on here?" asked Gali.

BLUBB BLUBB BLUBB

"It's the big and evil protodermis sea monster!" squealed Takanuva. "We must have waked it!"

"The what?" asked Jade.

"The big and evil protodermis sea monster!" repeated Takanuva. "He is big and evil and lives in the silver sea of protodermis!"

"I thought it might be something like that," commented Edaj, unimpressed.

"And... what does this monster do?" asked Jade, terrified.

"He comes out at night, or at daytime, or at sunset, or at dawn, and kidnaps Matoran girls!" he said, eyes wide.

"Now that would explain why there's only one village of girls on Mata Nui," grumbled Eli. "If there was such thing."

In that moment, a sea monster emerged from the water and stared down at them.

"I an the big and evil protodermis sea monster!" he thundered. "Who of you wears glasses?"

Nine of the ten figures pointed at the only human on board.

"Hey!" protested MoN.

"On these glasses there is a name: MoN," said the big and evil protodermis sea monster. "Are you MoN?"

"No, I'm just one that looks like her... Bye!"

MoN tried to speed away, but she crashed into a column that had been there the whole time but hadn't been of enough importance to be mentioned before. So, in fact, it had just popped up out of nowhere. (A/N: sound familiar by now? -.-)

Onua grabbed her and pushed her towards the big and evil protodermis sea monster. "Here she is, MoN. The Mistress of Nonsense."

The big and evil protodermis sea monster stared at her evilly, then, with a quick move, he grabbed her and raised her high in the air, so she was eye to eye with him. Then he dangled a pair of violet glasses in front of her.

"Are these yours?" he asked with a dangerous tone.

"Uh... I don't know, I can't see without my glasses,"

The sea monster hesitated, obviously looking for a solution.

"Hmmm, that's a problem..." he mumbled. "Say, if I gave you **any** pair of glasses, would you be able to see whether these are or not your glasses?"

"Um... yep, I think so... I mean, FF read another humor fanfic where it worked, so..."

"Okay, then take these," he said, handing her the glasses. MoN took them while asking herself how the heck she was supposed to tell whether those were her glasses now that they were on her face.

"So, are they yours?" asked the big and evil protodermis sea monster. (obviously the big and evil protodermis sea monster is a bit stupid, or he would have realized that only a human could wear glasses)

"Um... how can I tell if they are on my face?"

"Uuuuuh..." hesitated the monster.

"How about looking in a mirror you two smarties?" commented Edaj.

"Oh, right..." started MoN. Then she realized something. "Edaj you idiot! Where am I supposed to find a mirror if no one uses it on Mata Nui?"

"You could use the monster's eyes," suggested Jade with a much nicer tone than Edaj.

"Good idea, smart little Toa!" said the big and evil protodermis sea monster.

**Pohatu: Say, does FF never get tired of writing big and evil protodermis sea monster?**

**MoN: Naaaah. Ever heard of copy and paste?**

**Pohatu: Uuuuh, no.**

**MoN: Nevermind.**

So MoN looked a her reflection in the monster's eyes and confirmed that those were her glasses. The big and evil protodermis sea monster roared angrily and threw her on the ship's deck.

"Never pollute the ocean again!" roared the big and evil protodermis sea monster.

"But I lost them..." tried to explain MoN.

"THAT IS NO EXCUSE! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING STRANGE IN MY SEA!" roared the big and evil protodermis sea monster. MoN squeaked in fear. The sea monster roared a couple more times at each of the nine Toa, making them run away screaming at the top of their lungs. Then, with a final: "Never pollute the ocean! Eaioyn the big and evil protodermis sea monster watches you!" he disappeared in the sea.

**Gali: How exactly are you supposed to pronounce that name?**

**MoN: Good question. If anyone knows please tell us.**

MoN slowly stood up and checked the situation. Despite the fact that the Titanicle was sinking at the speed of an inch per hour it had already halfway disappeared.

"Now what?" cried Pohatu. "We'll drown!"

"No we won't," said Gali in a reassuring way. "You maybe, but not all of us."

Strangely, Pohatu got even more scared and started running around the deck panicking.

"Come on, stonebrother," said Lewa. "Quickspeeding around the boarddeck won't carrybring you anywhere-noplace."

"Huh?" asked Pohatu, stopping. "What did you say?"

"I said that quickspeeding around the boarddeck won't..."

"Yeah yeah, I heard that. But could you say it in normal terms please?"

"Don't freakpanic."

"Oh, right," said Pohatu. "AAAAAARGH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! - I'm gonna die, sorry – I'M GONNA DIE; MY BODY WILL LIE FOREVER IN THE DEPTHS OF THE SEA! A SEA WHERE A BIG AND EVIL PROTODERMIS SEA MONSTER THAT KIDNAPS GA-MATORAN AND IS AN ECOLOGICAL MANIAC LIVES! AAAAARGH! CRUEL WORLD!"

"Pohatu, Lewa just said: don't panic," commented Tahu, brushing away the paper bird that was still pecking him. (Lewa had forbid him to burn it)

"I'm not panicking, just losing my head."

"Come on guys, there's always a way out," said Jade.

"And where do you see a way out?" asked Kopaka.

"Uh, well. We could go down to where Tahu and Kopaka had their interviewed, find the secret passage behind the wall, open it and escape," she said.

Everyone stared at her as is she was stupid, and the paper bird stopped pecking Tahu to stare at her.

"No really, there's a secret passage inside this ship,"

"I knew everything had gone crazy," said Gali. "But this beats them all."

"Just follow me," said Jade.

The eight Toa, MoN and the paper bird followed Jade to the place where Tahu and Kopaka had been interviewed. Then she started knocking on the walls. When she had finished, she stood there and scratched her head.

"So?" asked Tahu, who was still being pecked by the paper bird.

"Uuuuuh, I don't know," Jade answered. "Each wall sounds empty."

"We're on a ship, smart-ass," snapped Jade. "Everything sounds empty!" (A/N: really, walls do. Except if there's a large furniture item behind them.)

"Oh, yeah, right," agreed Jade. "Then how are we gonna find the secret passage?"

"We're **not** gonna find it," growled Tahu. "For the simple reason that there can't be a secret passage."

"How a bout, we follow the signs?" asked Onua pointing at a large neon sign saying: 'Secret passage this way'. And beneath that, a huge arrow was pointing to the wall in front of them. (A/N: for all who believe it's impossible to miss something like that: it IS possible, believe me)

So once again, Onua proved that he is slightly smarter than the other Toa.

"Good job, Onua," congratulated him MoN by patting him on the shoulder. For reasons we don't know, Onua turned a deep red, so that pairing fanatics have something to speculate about.

Tahu studied the wall for a second. "That's the point where Eli disappeared in the distance.

"Ah-ha," said Kopaka. "That means there is only sea behind the wall." Last Chapter

"We'll see that soon," said Onua and tore the wall apart. Behind the wall, was a long tunnel that disappeared in the darkness. Takanuva squealed and ran behind Edaj.

"Takanuva doesn't like tunnels, Takanuva doesn't want to go in the long, dark evil secret passage. Makuta could be hiding there!" he whined. The Toa, MoN and the paper bird ignored him as they entered the secret passage. When it was Takanuva's turn, Edaj felt sorry for him and hit him hard on the head, so that he blacked out. Then she threw him to Onua so that he would carry him.

They walked down the passage until they reached a door. Then they opened it and walked into a dimly lit room. When MoN (who is always last) walked in, the door closed behind them.

"You know," said Gali. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"What sort of bad feeling?" asked Jade.

"Something like: the lights will go out and we won't be able to see a thing anymore, and while searching for the switch, Tahu will bump into Kopaka who will fall, accidentally freeze the room so that we'll all slip and fall on each other, and before we can understand what's going on someone will open the door and storm in singing at the top of his lungs."

She had barely spoken, when the lights turned off, so that the Toa and MoN couldn't see a thing anymore. Tahu tried to find the switch but bumped into Kopaka who fell, and accidentally froze the room. Everyone except the paper bird slipped and fell on each other, and before they could understand what was going on someone opened the door and stormed in singing at the top of his lungs.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MoN! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" howled the intruder. MoN blinked unimpressed and walked up to the singer.

"I bet her birthday was yesterday," commented Pohatu.

"By the way, Gali wasn't right for once!" said Tahu.

"Huh?"

"She didn't realize that this annoying paper origami thing wouldn't slip and fall!" said Tahu. Hearing the words: 'annoying origami thing' the paper bird started pecking him again. (A/N: to everyone who noticed and/or cares: I'm perfectly aware that origami means 'folded paper' and that Tahu actually said: This annoying paper folded paper thing wouldn't slip and fall.)

"Idiot!" snapped suddenly MoN. "My birthday is in a month!"

"Nope, today is September the 19th!"

"No it's not! It's August the 19th!"

"Nope, it's September, last month was July."

"Exactly," growled MoN. "So this month is August! July, August, September, October..."

"No, no, no," said the figure. "It's July, September, October. We decided to skip August when we lost against the sun in our battle of: Who makes more light!"

No one said a word.

"Yep. The evil sun made more light than all our matches put together! But it was only one battle! The war still isn't over! And then **we** will be the winners!"

And he broke into a long, maniac laugh that thundered through the room. The Toa looked at each other.

"Where did we end this time?" groaned Pohatu.

* * *

For those who are wondering: yes, I have a typical 'know-it-all' fact for that August business. It involves France. I think you all know (if you study french) that french people count up to sixty, then have to say: sixty-ten, sixty-eleven, sixty-fifteen, sixty-nineteen, four-twenty-one, four-twenty-five, four-twenty-ten, four-twenty-thirteen... etc. instead of seventy, seventy-one seventy-five, seventy-nine, eighty, eighty-three etc. What you probably DON'T know is that there used to be the word for seventy (septante, I think). They took it off when they lost I-don't-know-which-battle during the year --70. (don't ask me the correct number, I don't know) 

And in case you are thinking: "Yeah right, and I'm supposed to believe that?" or "Where the heck did she get that out of?" I swear I didn't make it up, I got this information from my uncle.

°Whoever believed that that was my e-mail is informed that I'm not THAT insane.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Bio... see and of chapter.

**Reviews:**

**Slythergrl2004: **Yeah, she did. Why? -Scratches head- ¾? Yeah, well, there's not much to catch anyway. All they're doing is getting on with the story.

**Star Wars** **Nut: **Does it look like I have? Actually, I do.

**ToaLhikan: **Aaah. Are those real rules or did you make them up for this fanfic?

**Dragon goddess04: **I'm glad you think it's that funny. I used to do the same with another fanfic, but my mom either didn't hear or pretended not to.

_**Chapter14**_

So we left the Toa in a dark room with a maniacally laughing guy. Big deal. Anyway, the guy is still laughing now. And now there are three guys running in and carrying him away. And...

Okay, never mind.

The strange man was still laughing in a maniac way, until he stopped laughing that is. And he stopped laughing to look down at the Toa, who were staring at him as if he had a brain problem.

"What's the matter with you guys?" he asked.

"Huh?" was all the Toa could say.

"You're supposed to laugh with me, or else look intimidated."

"Um, let's see," said Edaj. "I'm not in the right mood to laugh, so I think I'll go for intimidated."

The guy looked at her for a second.

"You don't look very intimidated."

"Oh, don't worry, I am," she said, without even trying to sound convincing. "I'm very intimidated. Eeek!"

The guy smiled. "Yes, I know I often give an intimidating impression."

"Yeah, just like a worm," agreed MoN.

"Worms ARE impressive," said Onua. "Just look at the way they eat through the dirt! It's incredible!"

The next scene will not be described due to the fact that the author wants to get over the part she had written on paper because she doesn't like copying off. Which is the reason she takes so much to update. Make up something yourself that involves two doctors dressed in MIB style, and think that that guy is crazy, and you got the idea. We now find our heroes in two dark rooms, waiting to be tested. Girls in one dark room, boys in another. To start, we're gonna follow the girls... or the boys...

No, better: we're gonna look at them together:

**Girls**:

Inside the room, the girls found a surprise...

**Boys**:

Inside the room, the girls found a surprise...

**Girls:**

They weren't the only ones to be tested...

**Boys:**

They weren't the only one to be tested...

**Girls:**

There was someone else in the room with them...

**Boys:**

There was som...

**Edaj: Stop! Fine with no sexual difference let's look at them together, but this goes a bit too far! **

Hmmm, maybe you're right.

**Edaj: Good. So, I hope we're gonna see something better... and more funny.**

So, all over again:

**Girls**:

Inside the room, the girls found a surprise...

**Boys**:

Same thing

**Girls:**

They weren't the only ones to be tested...

**Boys:**

Look under: "girls"

**Edaj: If that's "more funny" then I'm more tall than Kopaka.**

Okay, okay...

So, to make it short: Both boys and girls found out that they weren't the only ones to be tested and that there was someone else in the room. Then the story splits. The girls...

...saw that it was an old friend. Even though she was very young. Her name was Eli, and she was the Toa of Love. A borrowed character that already appeared in chapter 12. When the Toa came in, Eli stood up and smiled.

"Gali! Edaj! Jade! MoN!" she said, standing up to greet them. In that moment though, the door closed behind them and they were overcome by darkness. "It's just **lovely** to see you again... ouch! That was my foot!"

"Sorry," mumbled Jade. "Hey, I didn't step on your foot!"

"Edaj? Is that you talking?" asked Eli.

"Nope, **I'm** Edaj," said Edaj.

"Yes, I know you're Edaj!" commented Eli.

"Yes of course I'm Edaj!"

"Yeah, and you talked a minute ago,"

"No I didn't!" protested Edaj.

"Sure you did, you said: Sorry. Hey, I didn't step on your foot!"

"No! That was Jade!"

"How can you be so sure?" asked MoN.

"Because I'm Edaj!"

"Just because you're Edaj it doesn't mean that everything you say is right," said MoN.

"Um, girls..." Gali tried to interrupt.

"But it's true," agreed Jade. "I talked a minute ago."

"See? Now you even admit it, Edaj!" said MoN.

"Um, girls..."

"I didn't admit anything!" protested Edaj.

"Yes you did, you just said: But it's true!" said Eli.

"Um, girls..."

"No, that was me," said Jade.

"Yes, we just said it was you!" said MoN.

"Um, girls..."

"No! That was Jade talking!" protested Edaj.

"Nuh, huh," said Eli. "It was us."

"Girls?"

"Yes, we know it was you! But it was me who said: No, that was me! Me, Jade!" said Jade.

"Edaj, your sister is called Jade, not you," said MoN

"Girls!"

"That was Jade who talked!" protested Edaj. "Not me!"

"Edaj, quit it!" said MoN

"_Girls!"_

"Me? You started it!" yelled Edaj.

"No it was not us," said Eli. "It was you who started with your: Sorry. Hey, I didn't step on your foot! And then trying to convince us that it wasn't you saying it."

"Gir-- oh, this is stupid," mumbled Gali, grabbing for something in the darkness.

"That's because Jade said that, and not me! Tell them, Jade," said Edaj desperately.

"Yeah, it was..."

T**_WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!_**

"Aaaaaaaaargh!" screamed the arguing girls, covering their ears. "Gali!"

"I finally get your attention!" said Gali, holding an unnamed thingy that couldn't be seen in the dark. "I wanted to say that..."

"Yeah, fine, a second before the truth comes out!" cried Edaj.

"Actually, that's what I wanted to..."

"You did that just to get some attention?" snorted Eli. "Excuse me, but just because you aren't the only female Toa anymore..."

"Aren't I?" asked Gali, confused.

"I see four female Toa including you here," said MoN. "Or better, I don't see a thing, but I know there are. Scrap off Eli, whose just hanging around for no reason at all, and there's three."

"Three?" Gali blinked, confused. "But Ilag is the only other... oh right, that's in the other fanfic."

"Okay," said Eli. "Like I was saying, just because you're not the only female Toa anymore..."

"A-hem, I'm the one who lectures people normally," protested Gali.

"That's exactly what I was talking about, just because you aren't the only female Toa anymore..."

"Well, I still get my special lines!"

"Stop interrupting me! As I was saying, just because you aren't the only female Toa anymore..."

The sound of something heavy dropping suddenly covered what she was saying.

"What was that?" asked Jade.

"Something heavy dropping," answered MoN unnecessarily.

"Will you all stop talking over me?" cried Eli. "I'm trying to say that even if Gali isn't the only female Toa anymore..."

Suddenly, someone started to drill a hole in the wall, very, very loudly.

"I don't think you'll finish saying whatever you're saying," said Gali.

"Really?" asked Eli, then tried again. "Even if Gali isn't the only female Toa anymore..."

A loud scream pierced the air.

"Even if Gali isn't the only female Toa anymore..."

A train ran past.

"Even if Gali isn't the only female Toa anymore..."

A car alarm started tooting.

"Eli, cut that," said Edaj.

"Why can't I finish talking anyway?" Eli wanted to know.

"FF doesn't know how to finish that phrase, probably," said MoN with a shrug. "Old writing trick."

"Ah," said everyone else.

"So," said Eli. "We still have to get over that problem with Edaj pretending to be Jade."

"That's what I wanted to talk about," said Gali angrily. "If you would've paid attention, something like sixty-eight lines above, there's a small tag saying: said Jade, after that whole I-didn't-step-on-your-foot business."

For a second, there was silence as everyone checked and realized it was true.

"Oh," they said.

"Yeah, well, sorry Edaj," said Eli. "So who DID step on my foot."

"Me," said Edaj.

"So you DID step on my foot! And we argued the whole time about something you had actually done?" asked Eli.

"Actually, we were arguing about who had said: Hey, I didn't step on your foot. Which I hadn't said, so I guess it's alright," said Edaj.

"Okay, now one more thing," said Gali. "We've been standing here in the darkness for the length of a whole chapter, and we **still** haven't done anything. Or better nothing happened. It's not like we've been doing anything during the whole story."

"Hmm," said MoN. "Maybe that's the problem. We haven't been doing anything."

"Huh?" asked the other three girls.

"Maybe we have to do **something **to get out of this fanfic. I mean, something more than acting exactly how everyone wants us to. Like, instead of arguing with the big and evil protodermis sea monster with the unpronounceable name, run away for our lives. Kopaka could've created an icy platform and made so that it didn't drift away, or we could've tried to swim to it." said MoN.

"We're still talking," pointed out Edaj.

"Yes, it's true" said Jade. "Except that we never had the chance to do that. FF always put in a narration and we were stuck. We can't do anything unless she wants it."

"But, didn't she promise that it was up to us, and that she would just create the obstacles?" asked Gali.

"Well, that's what she has been doing, hasn't she?" pointed out MoN. "The Titanicle, the iceberg, the drifting away platform, Mask of Stupidity... all obstacles."

"But we can talk without suffering of any kind of narration, right?" pointed out Jade.

"Good point, so I suggest that the first thing we do draw a personality line," said MoN.

"Uuuuuuh, what?" asked the other four.

"A personality line, for example, Jade is nice, quiet, kind and a bit clumsy, Gali is also kind and nice, but she's not clumsy and not quiet, she's the sort of 'motherly girl'. So, I say: Jade is quiet and clumsy, and Gali is the 'motherly girl'."

"Aaaaaah," said everyone except Edaj.

"Sounds like math with words instead of numbers to me," commented the girl. "And how does this help?"

"Um... it doesn't," said MoN. "FF's already doing that."

"So what now?" asked Eli.

"We end the chapter," said MoN with a shrug.

So the girls were left in the black room and still hadn't been tested, and probably will not be seen being testes, because tomorrw, we're taking a look at the boys.

* * *

Stupid chapter... and I don't have much of a talk today... no facts, no nothing. I know exactly what's gonna happen in the next chapter though, but first i'm writing a bit of HotPresent. This thing finally cleared up my mind. 


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Bionicle isn't mine, has never been and will (probably) never be. So the long delay was not due to plotting the 2007 Bionicle storyline. FF, though, is me, and I belong to myself. And ONLY to myself.

**Tahu: I don't like that disclaimer.**

**FF: Why not?**

**Tahu: And I don't like you talking to me.**

**FF: Why not?**

**Tahu: And I don't like the fact that this is script and bold.**

**FF: Why not?**

**Tahu: And I don't like how this is starting.**

**FF: Why... hey! That's your fault!**

**Tahu: And I don't like all these clues leading to one single, possible conclusion...**

**FF: Oh, I get it! It's that you aren't as stupid as I want to make you pass as.**

**Tahu: YOU ARE STARTING WITH CA AGAIN!!!!**

**FF: Yep.**

**Other Toa: Nooooooooooooooooo!**

**Kopaka: I officially propose to commit suicide.**

**Toa: -nod nod-**

**FF: Do whatever you want, you won't die.**

**Pohatu: Bet? -stabs himself with Kopaka's sword- AGH! THE PAAAAIN!!!! Ooooh... this hurts... this hurts...**

**Onua: Pohatu, you aren't dying.**

**Pohatu: But it hurts! And I'm bleeding!**

**Onua: You still aren't dying.**

**Pohatu: Ok... -jumps from a cliff between an angry Muaka pack- AAAAAAAAAAGH!**

**Muaka: Foooood! -Growl-**

**Pohatu: I nearly changed my mind.**

**Muaka: Foooood! -bites Pohatu- OOOOOOoooooooooow! Haaard!!! Mommy!**

**Pohatu: Ok... if this doesn't work, nothing does. -throws himself in a lake-**

**FF: Lalalalalala**

**Pohatu: -from bottom of lake- Am I dead yet?**

**Tahu: Doesn't seem so.**

**Pohatu: aaaaw...**

**FF: Hehehehehe**

**Tahu: Why can't we die?**

**FF: Contract!**

**Tahu: Which contr... no.**

**Kopaka: No**

**Onua: No**

**Lewa: No**

**Gali: No**

**FF: Gali, you're still in the other room!**

**Gali: Oh yeah, right. -goes away-**

**Pohatu: No**

**Tahu: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REMEMBER THE STUPID CONTRACT!!!!**

**FF: Hehehehe. I remember a lot of things.**

**Onua: One year. One sweet year without being tortured and exposed to this atrocity. One year hoping you had forgotten it! Everything in vain!**

**FF: Exactly. And now, after the longest script in the whole fanfic, I think we can go on.**

Note: for those who shouldn't remember, know, and for those who simply skipped that part, the contract I established with the Toa says cleary that nobody must die in this fanfic. At the time, I had no idea how useful this would be.

A/N: Okay, so after getting three reviews one after the other about how much they liked this story, and how funny it was, and after seeing Bionicle MoL again, with my sister asking questions so weird they don't belong even in this fanfic, I started writing again. The idea of updating THIS came when I re-read it all, and after my sister insisted to update ANOTHER crazy fanfic, and making me read 119 pages of it, my brain slowly started fusing again. (my sister than changed her mind about it, something that caused me to slam all 119 pages on her head) But it was the rediscovery of the legendary green notebook that convinced me that it was time, after all, to update this again.

And now, get ready for...

**CRAZY ADVENTURE: The one, and only... CHAPTER FIVE!!!!**

**Reader: FIFTEEN!**

**MoN: don't be such a perfectionist!**

In the last chapter, we saw how the girls were supposed to take a "test" for apparently no reason at all. The test was not taken in the end, because they spent the whole chapter talking about who had said: "Hey! It wasn't me!" after someone had stepped on Eli's foot. In the end, the culprit was not found due to a loud unidentified object that Gali took out of the dark.

In the meanwhile, the boys were going inside _their _dark room for _their _test, that we still don't know if it really will be taken.

**Tahu: What happened to the summary?**

**FF: After an year without writing, I wanted this story to get back with a bang. So I made it some publicity.**

**Tahu: Ah.**

Anyway, we had left the boys in a dark room, to find out that they weren't the only ones waiting to be tested. With them, was a strange guy in a grey cloak, whose face they couldn't see in the dark, as the hood cast deep shadows on it. When he moved, the shadow on the black wall also moved.

And this, my dear friends, is someone who's identity we cannot yet reveal. You see, once, the author knew exactly who this was, unfortunately, something got in between. While tidying up her room, she came across the beginning of this chapter, written on paper over eleven months ago. Unfortunately, she lost it when she finished tyiding up her room.

Anyway, back to the Toa...

"Hey! A new guy!" Lewa shouted happily. "Hi, I am Toa Lewa, and who are you?"

"I can't tell you," the guy said.

"Why not?"

"I can't tell you,"

"How am I supposed to call you then, once we'll be friends?"

"I can't tell you."

"Come on!"

"I can't tell you"

"I don't believe this." grumbled Tahu. "We finally get a new guy, and I mean a GUY, not a girl, in this story, and guess what? He's a freak! all he can say is I CAN'T TELL YOU!!!"

"Actually, there is one thing I can tell you," the guy said. He looked around carefully, then whispered. "Beware the hair cutting scissors."

The paper bird squeaked and hid behind Tahu's head. Tahu wanted to ask something more like: "Say, are you insane?" or "You belong in the madhouse." But for some strange reason, while the paper bird had hidden behind Tahu's head, nobody had been looking at the strange guy in the grey cloak, and when the camera finally gives as a view on him again, he has disappeared.

"How the heck did he do that?" Lewa asked, gaping at the empty chair.

"That..." Onua said. "Was plain unneeded."

"Hey, guys, we have company!" Tahu said, pointing to a row of fifteen chairs where a lot of brightly colored people were chatting happily and loudly around a circle with four doughnuts around it, that was supposed to be a drawing of four mexicans playing cards, while Pinco Pallino ran through the room screaming because Makuta wearing a horrible neon yellow and green tie was chasing after him.

As all this happened, the Gahlok Kal was still inside the Takea's shark stomach and the knives were still chasing him, but I bet nobody remembers what that's about anyway.

Oh yeah, they were all men.

"Who?" Onua asked.

The people inside the room.

"Really? Even that one wearing the pink jogging suit and Merlin hat?"

Especially that one. He really exists.

Onua decided to forget the last thing the invisible voice had said.

"Were these guys here the whole time?" Takanuva asked. Kopaka scoffed angrily.

"Of course not! There was just grey cloak when we came in! Don't you think we would have noticed them?"

"Hey! You six colored weirdos!" one of the mexicans shouted. "Come here and play with us! It's already ten minutes you're standing there!"

"Now I'm scared," admitted Pohatu.

One of the strange men dragged the Toa into the middle of the crowd.

"By the way, did you happen to see how grey cloack disappeared?" Onua asked.

"No, we weren't looking while the paper bird hid behind Tahu's ear. But now, let's have fun!"

"yes! Fffffffffffffffun!" Lewa said. "What kind of joyfun? What kind of joyfun? What kind of joyfun?"

"We torture you and laugh like maniacs about it!" they said. A choir of cheers followed these words, but strangely enough, the Toa didn't join in, but looked rather horrifed.

"Tor-ture! Tor-ture! Tor-ture!" the crowd went. "Tor-ture!"

"Stop!" said the Mexican guy. "We shall start with the youngest!"

"uh... which one?"

"The green one."

"Ooooooooooooooh! TORTURE!"

Lewa squealed and jumped to the door, hammering on it with both fists. "Gemme out! Gemme out! Gemme out! Gemme out!"

But the crowd caught him and grabbed him with icepop sticks and carried him back to the party, where they tied him to a chair and forced his mouth open, trying to feed him cauliflowers through the cheers of the other Toa.

The vedgetable was at inches from Lewa's mouth, actually, it was practically inside it, to make it more extreme, when the walls started glowing red hot and twisted into each other, and the sound of laughter was to be heard inside the room as a form appeared in the middle of the red arms, laughing madly.

"Come on... eat the cauliflower, Lewa... eait it, eatit..." one of the men was saying.

The figure stood there slightly confused as it realize that nobody cared. Grumbling, it disappeared, thenmade somebody start screaming. But nobody cared. The sound of thunder, wind, earthquake and a volcano eruption echoed through the room, but nobody cared. At that point, thousand cats started sharpening their claws on a thousand walls while singing "We are the champions!" And still nobody cared. At that point, cursing and shouting, a girl popped up inside the room and turned on all the lights and turned the music OFF.

"Hey!" shouted everyone in the room turning towards her.

"You get to have only ONE party in this fanfic!" she said angrily. "One, clear? And when I do my dramatic entry, you all go oooh, and aaah, and freak out and run hiding under the table!"

A complete silence followed those words, and the girl thought she had impressed them.

"So, now I'm going to turn off the lights again, and... what the heck are you doing?" she asked, staring at three men in a corner doing NC17 things that shouldn't even be suggested in a PG fanfic like this one, (I know it's K plus now, but fanfiction dot net does allow plus signs in the stories, so you'll have to deal with the old standards, ok?) namely stealing all left-over candy-canes and ice cream from the fridge. The men didn't answer and stared at her in shock.

"Ok, just go on, but do it when the lights are off! Now, I'm going to turn the lights off, and..."

"A GIRL!" screamed somebody.

"No duh!"

"There's a girl in this room! Alarm! Alarm!" the crowd scattered, and somebody pressed a red button concealed in the wall.A red light and a buzzing emergency sound went off, while everyone panicked and screamed.

"There's a girl in here! Run for your lives!!!!"

"She's going to eat you all! I tell you! She will!"

"A girl in the holy room... the end must be near!"

In that moment five men dressed in white cloaks ran in and tried to catch the girl, who suddenly went pale. "Nooooooooo! The men in white!" she said and screamed girlishly... Yeah, right, Theresa, in your dreams. But she still did it because she had promised Theresa that she would. At this, the five men went pale and screamed, creeping under the sofas aand screaming: "Giiiiiiiirl!"

"Noooo! Our protectors were defeated!" one of the party-men shouted. "We're doomed!"

In that moment, Great-grandmother Manny jumped in, her cape flattering in the wind. She was incredible! Who else can make her cape flatter in the wind inside a closed room.

"A girl in the holy room, this is outrageous!" she said. "Don't worry, boys, great-grandmother Manny will help you!"

"Oh yes, great-grandmother Manny, help us!" they said. "Don't let the evil girl hurt us!"

"Excuse me!" a voice shouted from behind the table. "But she is a girl too!"

"No she's not!" Another voice shouted. "She's great-grandmother Manny!"

"And you are who, if I may ask the question?" great-grandmother Manny wanted to know.

"Lijo and Ojil, nice to meet you!" the first voice said.

"Lijo and Ojil!" yelled Lewa, forgetting about the girl menace. "Now I finally want to see your faces!" He said, running to the table to turn it over, but he slipped over a piece of rubbish on the floor and fell on the ground, banged his head and hurt his arm. When he tried to stand up again, he slipped and crashed to the ground again. The scene kept repeating itself over and over until it got boring, so Ojil explained that it was happening because nobody could see their faces.

**Tahu: what nonesense is that? I see Lijo and Ojil every other day!**

**Lijo: No you don't!**

**Ojil: Hey, he said something smart for a change!**

**Tahu: But... you're standing right in front of me!**

**Ojil: Then tell me how we look?**

**Tahu: Uh...**

**MoN: Nobody understands this, Tahu, don't worry about it.**

"I'm great grandmother Manny, and I'm here to save the day!" with that, she pointed at the girl and screamed. "And **you **are a menace in the wrong place at the wrong time! For that, you will be punished in the old way!"

With that, she flew towards the girl, weilding her terrible chocolate cake.

"What the heck are you doing?" someone cried. "You can't ruin that chocolate cake like that!"

"Oh yes I can!" great-grandmother Manny said. "Unless the girl catches it!"

She was about to throw the cake, but the girl raised her hands, making a time-out sing.

"Wait! Wait! Time-out! Time-out!" she said. "I'm not the evil one here. THEY are!" She said, pointing to the three guys still stealing the chocolate. The crowd gasped as they saw the outrageous gest of the men.

"What the...?" the guys said. "We're protecting it from the girl!"

"As you were when the lights were off, right?"

"No, at the time, we were protecting it from the heat of the spinning red-hot walls!"

"They were in a red-hot wall proof fridge, idiot!"

"Good point, then I have no idea what we're doing with it," the man said.

"I tell you what you're doing with it!" great-grandmother Manny said. "You're shocking 5-year old kids reading this fanfic! For that, you'll pay!" And she threw the cake at them, but the thieves just dodged it and the cake flew in a neat arc through the gasps of the audience to what would have been its final destination: the wall.

"Noooooooooooooo!" cried Lewa, jumping up in slow motion and, still in slow motion, jumping forwards and extending his arms, trying to grab the otherwhise doomed cake. With a huge effort, he managed to catch it and fall to the ground in slow motion, the cake still intact. The crowd sighed in relief.

"I got it!" cried Lewa, raising it high through the cheers of the crowd. There was a moment of celebration before turning back to the menace, which isn't me anymore but the three ice-cream stealing man. Actually, one one man,a s the other two had disapppeared leaving him alone to deal with the superhero by himself. (A/N: oh, by the way, they were then ripped apart by the crowd for their act of cowardice and the cake business, but that won't be mentioned due to the fact that it's just a side-event)

"You!" great-grandmother Manny shouted. "You let the cake fall! You are the ultimate evil! You were bad and Santa Claus won't bring you any presents."

"What? That's unfair... hey! Christmas already passed!"

"Then the tooth fairy won't bring you any money!"

"I already grew out of that."

"Oh. Well, that's just worse for you," great-grandmother Manny said finally.

"Why?" the man, which by now everyone had recognized as... wait a second... who's that guy anyway??? I don't have ice-cream stealing thieves in my story! That only means one thing: he is NOT a man! He's an EFFJMFAD

**Kopaka: EF... what???**

**MoN: I have no idea what stuff that means.**

**Ojil: Nope.**

**Lijo: Nu-huh.**

"Because I'll have to pass directly to the _final solution!_" great-grandmother Manny said. The crowd gasped.

"Whazzat?" FF asked, who apparently was the only one who didn't know what her own creation could do.

"You will not have any of my special, just baked cookies!" she said, revealing a tray of them she had been hiding under the cake. "Catch them, boys!" She said, throwing some to the crowd behind her.

"Noooooooooo!" cried the thief. "You can't do that!

"Oh yes I can," great-grandmother Manny said, distibuting more cookies to the crowd. "Lewa gets to have your part. He saved the cake after all."

"Please great-grandmother Manny! I want some cookies too!"

"No,"

"I'll bake another cake!"

"Rather not, your cooking abilities aren't exactly that awesome, besides, we still have the cake, though initially FF was planning to have it spatter against the wall. Just lucky the story slipped out of her control.. oh, BTW, FF you get one cookie less for having planned such an evil thing!"

"That's not fair!" FF said, pouting.

"It is, it's time you stop acting like you did in the last fourteen chapters, FF."

"But this my great comeback!" FF protested. "Besides, it all ended well in the end."

"No excuses, FF, the next time, you'll thinnk over it before writing something like this."

"Uff..." mumbled FF.

"And now that everyone got the cookies and the evil was punished," Great-grandmother Manny said. "So now, Great-grandmother Manny is off to save the day again!"

With that, the superhero left by flying through the roof and blasting a hole through it. The thief (or EJFFMFAD) watched her disappear and then stomped off shaking his fist ans swearing revenge on great-grandmother Manny.

FF shrugged it off and walked in the middle of the room, ignoring the now happy crowd around her. She went to the microphone to do the speech she had come here to do, but then her eyes fell on the page counter and decided to leave it for another day. The atmosphere wasn't the right one anyway, so she disappeared unnoticed.

* * *

Yeh, hail Lewa who caught the cake! 

Originally, this was supposed to be like chapter 16 (that is already half written because I basically cut and pasted that part from here) but the chapter went out of control and my triumph over the crazy men-crowd nearly became my defeat. The only bad part about this is that I didn't get to thank you all for your reviews using the magic microphone you're gonna see in the next chapter. Which means that I'm gonna answer to one year and two-chapters deal of reviews next time.

And OMG! It's really over an year I haven't updated this! O.O


	16. A little moment of boredom

**A little moment of Boredom**

So we last left our heroes sitting happily in the waiting room of a chamber of mysterious experiments, happily celebrating Lewa's heroic rescue of the chocolate cake with Great Grandmother Manny's homemade cooki...

**Tahu: What the HECK is this?**

**FF: Oh come on please! I haven't even gotten to the end of the first sentence! Did you really feel the need to...**

**Tahu: Why are you writing?**

**FF: It's a pastime... Anyhow, You already know what this is. Seriously, this is worse than the first chapter. You...**

**Tahu: Why the heck are you writing this?**

**FF: Why is it always you who argues?**

**Tahu: It's in my nature. Kopaka doesn't speak enough, and the other Toa are not much of squabblers.**

**FF: ... That's not exactly what the first few comics state but...**

**Tahu: Whatever. You didn't answer my question. Why, in the name of everything which is holy or related to cats, are you writing this?**

**FF: Do you have a problem with that?**

**Tahu: Other than everything I've been complaining about for the past few chapters? YES! This story is supposed to be dead. Stalled. Frozen. Discontinued. No more advancement of Plot! If it even HAD a scrap of a plot...**

**FF: Well. Maybe I want to fix that.**

**Tahu: It's been nearly four years since you last updated this! And the last update had come after one year of inactivity! I'm sure there is a law which forbids you to revive this thing. **

**FF: Don't think so.**

**Tahu: Well, there should! Why the heck would you start writing this thing again? **

**FF: I'm bored.**

**Tahu: Well than go do something productive at least! Like working on your new stories, doing some proper art, or even working on ending your Heroes of Time trilogy! Heck, even I want to know how it ends! You cannot just leave me hanging there with a broken arm, the Toa imprisoned and -CENSORED MAJOR SPOILER-. Why aren't you writing that?**

**FF: I'm trying. Believe me. **

**Tahu: Didn't you promise like, an year ago, you would try?**

**FF: Yeah, but then I had a very, very busy and unproductive year. Trust me. Last year of high school in France is not to be taken lightly. I actually talked about this to Goldenrod sometimes in December. I had to stall everything for a while.**

**Tahu: Wha... wait. You're from France? You didn't even know how to speak French 8 chapters back! You had to resort to a dictionary and your textbook!**

**FF: Les choses changent, mon cher... and no. I am not from France. Though quite a few people seem to think that recently. I am quite proud of that chapter, anyhow. Turns out I barely made any mistakes with the French language. -happy-**

**Tahu: So where the heck does French high school come from?**

**FF: That's my life story. I'm not getting into it, ok? Can we get on with it now?**

**Tahu: And when did you become such a pushover? When you first started this you wouldn't have let this discussion get nearly as far as...**

**FF: JUST QUIT IT AND LET ME GET ON WITH THE STORY ALRIGHT? Seriously. We just spent one page and a half having a completely senseless, BORING discussion. No fun. And I'm PMSing. So will you just kindly SHUT UP now and let me write so I can give all those poor readers who are receiving author alerts a valid reason for having their inbox spammed?**

**Tahu: I guess I will get onto your new way of speaking ano...**

...ies. They had just been spared a very evil test and a very evil speech by the author, FF, and were quite happy about it.

They were even happier that said moment of peace had lasted four years. And in fact, by now, the Toa had quite forgotten about Metru Nui, busy as they were filling themselves with Banana Pancakes, Chocolate Cake, and Orgasm Cookies, and...

**Reader: You are not allowed to use the word orgasm in a PG rated story!**

**FF: What? Why should I not use the word orgasm?**

**Reader: Because! There might be 8 year olds reading this story! And they shouldn't be exposed to that kind of words!**

**FF: But that's the name of the cookies! Besides, do you really think there are 8 year olds reading this story? I'm sure everyone around here is above 13...**

**Random 8 year old: What's an orgasm?**

**Annoying Morally Correct Reader: There you go! What do you do about that now? **

**FF: -turns to little kid- Now my dear, that is why you have a dictionary, don't you? You can always look the word up there. **

**Annoying Morally Correct Reader: I don't believe you!**

**FF: What? It is for an educative scope, all kids should learn to use the dictionary!**

**Random 8 year old: I don't have a dictionary...**

**FF: Well, than you can just ask your parents. I'm sure they will be happy to explain. But you will have to be very insistent, you see, grown ups treat it like a big, big secret.**

(A/N: I'm right now actually wishing for an 8-year old to read this and stumble across this part. It would be hilarious. Yes, I'm evil.)

ANYWAYS, before this turns into an endless script page... Where was I? Oh, yeah, summary. Oh well, whatever. Just forget about that. Let's actually continue with the story. Just let you know: We have the boys on one side, stuffing themselves with all the goods in this world and who wave basically lived in paradise for the past four years. And the girls on the other. Who... well... if they HAD spent four years in that room, They would have probably died of boredom by now. Or hunger. Or killed by a mutant asteroid who would have developed an ability to solve complex math problem and decided to stumble by. And murder them. Because mutant asteroids are just like that.

So let's just say time flows differently in the girl's room, and only a few minutes have passed there. Yes, that makes sense.

Anyhow, today, on this fatal day. Feline Freak finally remembered she had a speech to do, and walked back into the room. She decided, however, to avoid the special effects this time round.

I'm quite tight for money, you see.

And so she bravely stepped back to the microphone, which was still there, untouched, casually brushed aside a cobweb that had been sitting on it, and cleared her throat.

Everyone's attention was on her immediately. Feline Freak smiled as all the character's gazes fixed on her with the expression only a bunch of people who had been eating chocolates for four years could have. Which is probably stupid. And rotund. They had all gained quite a bit of weight, you see. A lot of weight, in fact. It was a miracle the room still contained them all. The only character who wasn't paying any attention to her, but was instead hovering peacefully in a corner, knitting a large pullover, was great-grandmother Manny.

Feline Freak took a deep breath and spoke.

"Hi!"

Silence.

Gazes fixed on the author.

Silence.

More gazes fixed on the author, who was now started to sweat.

Silence.

A blank moment.

"Um..."

Silence.

"I think I forgot what I was going to say..." Feline Freak finally said.

"Oh, don't worry about that!" Pohatu said cheerfully. "It was probably boring anyways. Come and share a cookie with us."

At that, everyone resumed eating cookies.

**Tahu: In fact, you also forgot what this chapter was about, didn't you?**

**FF: ...**

**Tahu: And you have actually NO ideas for this chapter, do you?**

**FF: ...**

**Tahu. Great. Just great. What a waste of time. Three pages with the spotlight on you, for NOTHING! No one is interested in you, you know...**

**Kopaka: I agree with him on that one.**

**FF: ...**

**Onua: What a waste...**

**Pohatu: And we are fat now!**

**Lewa: What? Fat? But how can I air-glide like this?**

**FF: -snicker-**

**Tahu: ...**

**Kopaka: Great job, hothead! You just triggered an improvement!  
**

**FF: When everything else fails, recur to the power of IMPROVISATION!**

**-insert dramatic music here, and imagine FF in a dramatic pose, pointing her finger at nowhere at all, with dramatic thunder behind her figure -**

"WAIT!" Feline Freak thundered, slamming her foot on the ground with a sound like a cracking whip. Hey, what's good of having a self-insertion if you cannot use ridiculously dramatic devices and be an omnipowerful being from time to time? Sure, there are side effects, like being called a Mary Sue, but, once you got the hero, powers over thunder and lighting, heaven and earth, eyes of fire and generally a look that could launch a thousand ships and send all men on their knees...

Seriously, people, once you are that far, who cares?

That said, I'm still banishing Mary Sues and having them die of a terrible and brutal death (staying within the limits of the ratings, of course) until the end of the story.

"I might not have a speech to make to you," Feline Freak said, and her voice was like icy daggers coming from a blizzard created by a very very evil ice penguin. Do not underestimate the penguins. Especially when they are evil. They can resist much deeper temperatures than you. And they look cute while they pummel you into death with popsicles. "At least not the one I had originally planned. But do not forget that as long as my fingers will fly across _that_ keyboard, I will always have control over this story."

"Also, it's not like I really am here. I mean, I could spend _hours _thinking about my next speech."

There was a long pause here, during which Feline Freak made sure she had everyone's attentions.

Everyone was looking at her, their mouths still stuffed with cookies and cake and crickets.

**Tahu: WHAT?**

**MoN: Alliteration. And we also get to avoid the obligatory _cri...cri... _which is heard in the background during major blanks.**

**Tahu: Oh, you are here too?**

**MoN: Yeah. Kinda weird being back after all this time. I still feel kinda dazed...**

"So, now that I have your attention..."

At that moment, a rotund little man wearing nothing more than a golden diaper with wings on it opened the door and stumbled into the room.

"I have an urgent message for the... um... 9 Toa? No... 10, excuse me, it seems as if someone has joined your number as of recently."

"What's it about?" FF asked, feeling annoyed she had been interrupted.

"Um, well... it's confidential, you see... so..."

But he didn't get any further, because at that moment, a vampire rose bouquet attacked him, eating his flesh until nothing was left. And it was then revealed that the rotund little postman was actually a very small, sentient triangle, which had been living inside him the whole time. Except that the postman's body was not just a puppet but really made out of flesh, but we won't go into the details of that, because it's simply too disgusting. Besides, it's a totally different story, and we've already digressed too much today.

So the vampire rose bouquet ate the postman and then scuffled to FF with the letter in its mouth. The girl patted its head tenderly, and the bouquet made a weird purring noise.

"I think I just might keep you... so, what is this about?"

Feline Freak read the letter all the way to the end, and smiled.

"Oh well, that's just perfect... Ok TOA! I need you ready and out of this room in ten minutes! We have your future to discuss!"

"Aaaaaw..." Lewa groaned. "I kinda much-liked it here..."

"Besides, I don't think we can really get up..." Onua muttered, trying haul his bulge up, but he barely managed to raise himself as much as 5 centimeters, when his legs gave away and he collapsed on his enormous stomach again.

"Oh well, do as you want, I don't think it's a very good idea to stay inside here though," Feline Freak said. "When you've changed your mind though, just follow me across this door."

And she walked through a door which had never been there before.

"Was that a threat?" Pohatu asked, watching FF close the door behind her.

Lewa, who had been fighting to stand up, sat down again with a thud that made walls shake. "Forget this! I'm not quickspeeding... or slowspeeding... away from here any time muchsoon."

"Yeah," agreed Pohatu. "Let's go back to eating cookies again!"

A cheer erupted in the room following his words. Everyone grabbed for the nearest stash of cookies, which were apparently endless, but at that moment, a squeaky little voice resounded through the room.

"I would put those cookies down if I were you!"

Tahu, once proud leader of the Toa Nuva, now as obese as everyone else, turned around, looking for the source of the voice. "And who speaks, if I may ask?"

"Look down here!"

Tahu looked down. The only thing he could see was his broad stomach. He had taken away his armor ages ago, too small to fit him.

"Pppffft. Stupid fat person! Just hang on over there, I will come up..."

A little creature appeared next to Tahu's shoulder, after having climbed up fat rolls. He seemed to be... a gingerbread man. With a British police hat on his head, and a musketeer toothpick at his side.

"I am the chief of the organization: Free Gingerbread Men! Created shortly after one of our number miraculously gained consciousness and escaped certain digestion! Our aim is to prevent senseless massacres of home-made sweets. We have received a cry for help coming from here some couple of years ago."

"You were slow," Tahu observed. The gingerbread man smirked.

"That is what you think, you fat lump! We merely took time for rallying a good counterattack! If you could look at the ground, you would see thousands of us encircling you, ready for attack."

"Still slow, I musta have eaten by myself most of those who asked for help two years ago,"

"You're wrong, fatty, most of our conscious members have managed to hide. And now... prepare for your demise!" With that, he drew his toothpick.

"Wait!" Tahu shouted. "You mean some of these cookies are conscious?"

"Yeah! You evil glucosivorous!"

"Glucosivorous?"

"You know, like herbivorous... only you eat glucose. Sugar. See?"

"Oooooh!"

"Good. Now that that is cleared up I..."

"But wait!" Tahu started again. "Why didn't your cookie friends just tell us they were conscious? We would have spared them!"

"Well... um..."

The Gingerbread Man seemed to consider this. "We have a code..."

"More important than survival?"

"You would have probably eaten us anyhow! Think of it! A screaming cookie! You would have probably just eaten them all to avoid it from spreading!"

"Good point. But, you are here and alive now, aren't you?"

"Yes but this is a rescue mission! It's different!"

"If you say so..."

"Can I just get on with it now?"

"Sure,"

"Good," The Gingerbread Officer raised his toothpick. "And now prepare to be slain! Troops! At my three..."

"I do not think so, you little holiday sweet," Tahu sneered. "You say you are underneath me? Then I just have to do this!"

And to the horror of the Officer, he made to sit down. Or at least, tried.

"KAYAAAAAAAAA!" he howled, raising himself as fast as his fat legs would allow him.

"Hahahaha! Our toothpicks were tested to resist a mass to up to 5000 Tons! And now DIE!"

And with that, the gingerbread officer made to plant his evil, tiny little toothpick in Tahu's neck, but at that moment, the origami paper bird screeched and attacked the officer, knocking him off Tahu's shoulders. Tahu looked around, eyes glaring.

"Toa NEVER give up without a fight!" he bellowed, sending flames in front of himself into the room and burning several of the gingerbread men, as well as quite a few random fat people. He would have pointed at the ground you see, except his belly was in the way.

The officer somersaulted through the air, landed on his feet, and glared at Tahu.

"TROOPS! ATTACK! I DO NOT WANT A SINGLE LIVING PERSON BY THE END OF TODAY!"

"TOA! ON YOUR FEET! WE MUST NOT SUCCUMB!"

And so, the Toa found themselves facing one of their greatest battles yet: an army of hundreds... no, thousands...no hundreds of thousands... the numbers are quite hard to estimate, as several of the little men were eaten during the battle. We therefore cannot do an accurate estimate of the bodies. Just let you know that their enemy was numerous, and very vicious. Toothpicks are a dangerous weapons. I would know, having witnessed their power myself (no really, I'm not kidding you), and if they can resist 5000 Tons... well... that's enough information to make any pointy object dangerous.

No words of ours can capture the enormity of this battle. So we won't even try.

**Tahu: You just had to, didn't you?**

**FF: Yes. You know me. I haven't changed in that aspect.**

But very soon, the room was a litter of bodies. Large, fat lumps, and little bits of gingerbread. Yet it was obvious that, as of this moment, the Toa had the overhand. In fact, victory seemed stupidly easy.

"THEY ARE BESTING US!" the officier cried. "TROOPS! RETREAT! RETREAT! SEND IN THE MIGHTY CHIVALRY!"

"The wha-" Lewa started, but he didn't get anywhere because a huge cake smashed itself on his face.

"FEAR ME!" the cake shrieked, laughing maniacally and pressing itself harder against Lewa's face.

"Gnnn-gnnnn!" The Toa of Air muttered through several layers of custard and whipped cream as they filled his mouth and nose. He couldn't breathe! He was going to choke and die a horrible death...

**MoN: FF, that's disturbing, I don't think we have had anything as graphic even in your ****other fanfiction. And this is a battle against **_**cakes! **_**And you're making it exciting!**

"_Wait a quicksecond!" _Lewa thought. _"Chocked by a by a cake? Drown in cream? Hell yeah!"_

**MoN: I take back what I just said.**

Too bad Lewa never experienced that death, because, as it has often been stated, no one can die in this story. When he realized that, he was disappointed for a split second, then decided that it was way more fun that way and started running around gleefully with the cake on his face, randomly slicing at passing objects while the cake screamed death threats and insults.

In the meanwhile, the other Toa were doing quite a good job besting the cakes. Onua had, in fact, created a large bunch of mud cakes of his own and was throwing them at the incoming attackers or having them scuttle around the floors like weird crabs, taking care of whatever gingerbread soldier hadn't been fast enough to leave.

All of a sudden, the cakes stopped coming. The few of them that were still flying around suddenly turned back and fled.

"Wow," Pohatu said. "Did we just win?"

"I don't think so," Tahu said.

"Mmmph-" Lewa tried to say, but the cake was still on his face, now screaming, "I AM THE NIGHTMARE THAT HAUNTS YOUR INDIGESTIONS!"

"They are planning something," Onua said. "I can feel vibrations coming through the ground. Something big is coming!"

The origami paper bird hovered next to them, ready for a new attack.

Everyone waited for Kopaka to say some monosyllabic sentence, but there was only silence. That wasn't too weird though.

A soft, crunching sound filled the air. Tahu turned to the spot where his Toa brother stood.

"Kopaka, use your..."

It was only then they realized Kopaka wasn't there at all.

"Think about it," Pohatu said. "He wasn't mentioned in the narration once up to now."

"Looks like FF hasn't grown as sloppy as we thought after all," Tahu said. "But first..."

At that moment, the wall burst open.

A huge, towering, tidal wave, composed of millions of different flavored cookies squealing "REVEEEEEEEeeeeeeenge!" came thrashing in, destroying everything on its passage. The Toa stared at it, helpless.

And then they stared some more.

"We need Gali," Tahu stated.

"Um, I'm not sure she can control that thing..." Pohatu muttered.

They kept staring at the wave which was towering taller and taller over them.

"So this is the end?" Onua Nuva asked.

"I am afraid so," Pohatu stated.

"Mmmmpp-"

"I AM THE ESSENCE THAT FEEDS YOUR CELLULITIS!"

"Then this is it," Onua Nuva sighed. "I wonder how it will look on the Wall of History"

The Toa looked at the ground without saying anything. Silence surrounded them.

"I WILL DESTROY YOUR TEETH SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY!"

"Um... guys?"

"What is it Pohatu?" Tahu asked.

"Why haven't we got a thousand of cookies falling upon us yet?"

The Toa looked up. The wave was still towering over them, but appeared to be unmoving. Come to it, it also seemed to have a different consistence. It looked like...

"Ice cream?"

"Chocolate chip cookie ice cream?"

"CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE ICE CREAM?"

The Toa looked at each other, thought the same thing, smiled and jumped at the frozen wave, screaming in delight.

But that's when Kopaka came to ruin the party.

"MMMMMPF!" Lewa complained.

"Oh come on Kopaka!" Pohatu whined. "Get out of the way! Let us eat that... WHY ARE YOU STILL THIN?"

Kopaka, in fact, looked just as lean and muscular as he always had.

No surprises here. He is badass. I couldn't have him be fat.

**Lijo: And it would be waaay to OOC anyhow, having him enjoying himself and eating cookies, you see.**

Tahu growled. "Toa of Icicles. I want an explanation right now. Where were you during the entire chapter, and why the heck are you not a sorry obese lump like we are?"

"Because, silly Toa," Kopaka answered icily. "I have not been eating with you for the past few years. I was training."

"Training with whom? And with what, exactly?"

At that moment, great-grandmother Manny flew in. She had finished her sweater. "With me"

"And doing what?"

"Creating ice cream."

"I beg your pardon?" Tahu blurted out.

"Making ice cream," Kopaka snarled, pointing at the frozen wave. "Where do you think I learned this?"

"Making... ICE CREAM?" Tahu sputtered. Kopaka glared at him.

"We should get out. When that thing melts, it will be able to fall on us again, so let's not dwell!"

And so the Toa moved out through the door Feline Freak had walked through earlier.

Or at least... tried...

"Um Kopaka?"

"Yes, Onua?"

"I think I am stuck in the doorframe!"

"YOU WILL ALL REGRET THE DAY YOU GOT TO KNOW ME! FOR I AM... THE CAKE OF ARMAGEDDEON!"

At that point, Kopaka froze the cake and tore it off Lewa's face.

And there was much rejoicing.

* * *

I was bored.

I don't really like this chapter actually. It's not random enough.

Oh, I should probably explain this one: _No words of ours can capture the enormity of this battle. So we won't even try. _

That one was in one of the Bionicle comics, I don't know which number, but it's when Tahu and the other Toa Nuva/Phantoka are fighting against the Makuta.

Also, the cake's lines were originally written in Curlz MS, but fanfictiondotnet is lame like that.

**Tahu: So was this just a random chapter and we get to fall back into oblivion now?**

**FF: No, there's another one already written. This one was meant to be longer, but I split it out of overlength.**

**Tahu: You really have nothing better to do, do you?  
**

Yes I'm THAT bored, and I'm falling ill as well, so ain't got nothing much to do.

**Credits (to replace the skipped disclaimer):**

**Bionicle **belongs to **LEGO.**

Credits to "Monty Pythong and the Holy Grail" for the "And there was much rejoicing" line. If you haven't seen it yet, go see it. If you never heard of it, shame on you.


	17. A little moment of boredom number 2

**Another little moment of Boredom**

Disclaimer: This is useless, isn't it? It's really some kind of thing that got into fashion with fanfic writers, isn't it?

XXXXX

**You may skip this part! In fact, it is highly recommended. This part only includes review answering (yes, ALL reviews) and s not of any interest to the chapter.**

First off, let me respond to my two reviewers since I posted the last chapter:

No, in fact, let me respond to Slythergrl who has always been my greatest fan (of this story) and a great friend :) Which reminds me I have to answer you message on Deviantart...

**_Slythergrl2004_**_**: Oh please do write an essay! It would be hilarious to see how exactly I used visual imagery and irony and all that stuff X) (actually, don't, I probably wouldn't read it... unless yo post it as a chapter. Then I would :P I hope I will live up to your expectations, I have a feeling quality has declined (and you know I never considered the quality of this very high. And Eli is still there actually :P She comes back in this chapter! Respect you for waiting 4 years.**_****

I would also like to thank "some reviewer" (no, I'm not mocking anyone through those "", he just commented through that name) for reminding me that Hewki**i**'s name is spelt with two i's. I thoroughly apologize for misspelling Hewki**i**'s name, though the confusion might come from the time his name was still Huki. And i'm sure they added that second i resently. But do not worry, I will be sure to remember that his name contains two i's, and will properly write it from now on.

_I will now move to my other reviewers..._

_Slythergrl2004 again: Actually, chapter 15 was EXTREMELY relevant to the plot. But I forgot how._

_Firemimi: GO LEWA LOVE! ANd yes, he saved the cake! ^^ (and no Lewa, I'm not getting her off you)  
_

_Werewolfprincess: Even after 4 years? ^^ I hadn't realized so many people were asking me to continue with the chapter... *sob*_

_Sylla Shadowfrost: Uh, no, I don't really like Onua/Gali, I can't really see it work, in fact. (actually, sicne th ephantoka comics, it seems more probable, but still) It was jut for the lolz. I am however, a supporter of the group "more attention for earth Toas"_

_Ninjagirl2007: I am a very weeeeird girl... And this story seems to instigate people to humilate Bionicle. That is a very... very... GOOD thing! :D_

_Kittenwithasledgehammer: __not at all! I belong to that rare breed of fanfiction authors who still feel honoured when people are inspired by their works. Also, I think I remember you wrote to me about that, which is something I really, really appreciate. :) In fact, what I would appreciate even more is knowing which story it is. In fact, I will go look. However, not tonight, because I am tired, and I am moving tomorrow._

hat's all...

Now, I don't think anyone really cares about this anymore, but I always made it a very important point to honour my reviewers, and I intend on keeping it that way.

And now back to the chapter... oh, by the way, this was supposed to be updated yesterday, but I forgot to put it up. I am trying to start an one-a-week update schedule, but I'm not sure how well that is going to work as my chapters are written on impulses, so for example, this chapter was written right after the chapter 16, but I have had a few weird encounters since last week, which I couldn't include, however. So I will probably end up typing the chapter the night before posting it, but I am just not sure how it will turn out...

XXXXX

The male Toa and great-grandmother Manny walked through the door and into another room, while the paper origami bird just flew across it. The girls and – surprisingly – Feline Freak and her newly found pet, the vampire roses bouquet, were already waiting for them. The male Toa had nearly expected the girls to fall at their feet and give them a mushy, welcome back hug, but instead they were just staring at them in horror.

"Spirits of this world! What on _earth _happened to you?" Gali exclaimed.

"You're fat," Edaj stated, poking Pohatu's fat tummy. It jiggled.

"Oh, yeah, well, we had a few cookies too many..." the Toa of Stone said.

"In fifteen minutes?" Gali cried.

"What do you mean fifteen minutes? We were inside there for four years!" Tahu shouted.

"Four years? How could it have been four years? We had barely finished that retarded discussion when Feline Freak came in and said she had news for us!"

"But... but..."

"I think I understand this," MoN said. "Our author must have given our rooms different time parameters. Time in our room passed more slowly, while in yours it passed faster."

"Really slower," Tahu grumbled. "Look at the date of the last chapter update! It's been four years since Felfreak actually _wrote_ anything!"

The female Toa and girls checked. It was true. Or rather...

"I see there it's been since last week!"

"Well it was four years before that!"

"It doesn't say!"

"Well, it should!"

"Anyhow, that doesn't give you an excuse!" Gali grumbled. "Kopaka still looks in top shape to me."

"Oh yeah, which reminds me..." Tahu said, hauling around his masses to face Kopaka. "ICE CREAM?"

"What?"

"Never mind," Pohatu said. "You really don't wanna know."

"This is horrible," Jade said, eyes wide. "What evil..."

"It's not evil, they are just fat!" Edaj snapped. Onua sniffed. "What? You don't like facing the truth? You are fat! Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat!"

At that, Onua fell on his knees and burst into tears. MoN walked up to him, placing a tender hand on his shoulder, in order to feed some pairings fanatics a little more.

"Edaj you are evil!"

"What? I'm just saying the truth!" Oddly, that made Onua sob harder.

"Shht," Jade said. "Don't listen to my evil twin sister! You are a great Toa Hero! No matter your size and shape!"

"Oh yeah, you can totally use a super Sumo move now!" Edaj cheered. Jade looked at her angrily. "What?"

"Besides, I'm sure it's helpful with earthquakes!" MoN added.

"Okay!" Feline Freak interrupted. "Enough with the self-esteem help I..."

"Hey! I argue-disgree!" Lewa said. "How come I do not get any self-esteem help? Onua might get to make bigger earthquakes, but I cannot wind-glide anymore!

"Please don't start whi..."

"But it's true! Onua get's self-esteem help only because he is a big fat baby who keeps crying! But I, who have the bigger problem, do not get any!" Lewa sat on the ground, pouting. "I'm not moving until I get some! Remember? I am the youngest! I get everything I want!"

"Nobody has ever actually followed that rule since chapter 3, I remind you," MoN said.

"Well you should have!" Vakama shouted, stomping in the room. "I am your president after all! And I made that law, and you must follow it!"

"Nobody has paid attention to that one either," MoN grumbled.

"And I most certainly and not going to," Feline Freak grumbled. "Anyhow, what are you even doing here? You are supposed to be still on that ice platform floating at random across the sea!"

"You tell me! You are the one writing this story," Vakama said.

"I mean, I know what you are doing here, you are making a random intervention and bringing up a fact nobody remembers," Feline Freak. "But how on earth did you get here?"

"You tell me!"

"Oh you little... oh just get back on your iceberg and leave us alone will you?"

"Okay, okay! No need to get so personal about it," Vakama muttered, walking out of the room again.

"I'm PMSing!" Feline Freak shouted after him. "I get personal about everything!"

"Can we just get on with this?" Pohatu asked. "Why did you want us here?"

"I want my self-esteem first!"

"You will get your self-esteem from Edaj if you don't shut up!" Feline Freak hissed.

"Yesss!" Edaj shouted gleefully. "Can I give him nightmares about the Turaga dancing and singing to Lady Gaga songs? Pleeaaaase!"

"Ok ok you triumph-win!" Lewa said, standing back up with difficulty. "I despise-hate this body... can't you make us lean-thin again Feline Freak?"

"I was going to, but I decided that this is too hilarious!" Feline Freak said, grinning.

"Oh yeah, use bigfat people for joke-humour! Totally dignified!" Lewa shouted, waving his thick arms around. "And use tons of description picturing as as bigfat lumps also-too!"

"That I have to, readers aren't used to picturing you as fat and huge. And nor am I, really. Sorry,"

"Anyhow," Tahu interrupted. "Why on earth are you inside the story? I thought you had resolved to sending only your helpers! And I'm quite sure that apart when we were zapped to your home, we never actually physically saw you!"

"Say..." Kopaka interrupted.

"What?" Feline Freak asked.

"Aren't we having a Tahu panic attack when he realizes Eli is here to see him being fat?"

"LORD!" shouted FF, slapping her forehead. "I had completely forgotten Eli was there as well!"

"Way to go..."

"Shouldn't this discussion be in script?" Gali asked.

"Yeah well, you use script to have random discussions with me pointing things out to me that are wrong or when you complain, you don't really need it since I am here," Feline Freak explained with a shrug.

"But we got script when we were zapped to your place,"

"Oh yes, but at the time, it was you in my world. Now, it's me in your world, makes sense?"

"Um... no...?"

"It does to me, let's get on with it, shall we?"

At that moment, a hot-pink figure walked into view from behind Feline Freak. Tahu went pale.

"Eli!"

Eli looked at him from top to bottom, her face unreadable.

"Nonononono! This is not what you think this is! This... this is just a suit! You know! Suit! I.. I can walk out of it any second. But... I won't! Because... well... I want to experience new experiences... you see..."

"Tahu..."

"Yes?"

"Please just shut up,"

"Yes ma'am. Shutting up. Now."

Kopaka turned to Feline Freak again. "So, now..."

"Wait a second!" Tahu interrupted.

"What is it Tahu?" Kopaka asked, annoyed.

"IT WAS YOU! It was your plan from the beginning! You learned to create ice cream so that you would make me fat! IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Kopaka learned to make Ice-cream?" Edaj asked.

"You _knew _this was going to happen! You knew we would meet Eli again, and when we would, she would prefer _you_ over me! Because you would still be the great hero with a perfect body and awesome muscles! You... you treacherous, cheating bas..."

BANG!

Tahu collapsed to the ground under the power of MoN's cooking pan.

"I think this might become my weapon of choice," MoN said, looking proudly at her pan. Kopaka nodded his thanks at her.

"Now, Feline Freak, what exactly are you doing here?"

"I'm bringing you a message!" she said proudly. "I'm giving you a mission!"

A choir of groans erupted from the Toa.

"Do you really have to?" Pohatu asked. "I mean... look at us!"

"Well, many stories have their heroes having to deal being somehow handicapped, although I've never read a story where they turned fat," Feline Freak said. "Normally it's just power off or something... Besides you don't have a choice."

"Oh really?" Pohatu shouted. "Watch us!"

And with that, all the Toa sat down, crossing their arms and feet and refusing to move. Feline Freak sighed.

The Toa suddenly found themselves dressed in neon orange suits, each one of them with a tray full of weird snacks which moved on their own. In a corner, a red, fiery dragon was looking very angry indeed.

"I want my food you little insignificant creatures!" the dragon said, each word sounding as if spoken by a fire with a very sore throat. "Give it to me!"

"This is not fair!" Onua muttered. "You had promised you would leave us free, and only insert obstacles on our course!"

"I don't even remember which chapter that was in," Feline Freak muttered. "Besides, I didn't do anything which goes against that rule, it was the dragon's magic!"

"Say what?"

"Bring me my food now or I will roast you myself with my electric breath and then eat you!" the dragon hissed.

"You have an electric breath?" Lewa asked.

"Of course I do! Fire is unfashionable! Not to mention prehistoric."

"Say what?" Tahu shouted, suddenly awake again.

"Of course it is! Who uses fire nowadays?" the dragon exclaimed. "Face it, people have got electric stoves, electric heating... They use electricity to make light, they use tasers to defend themselves... Fire might have been the big thing during stone age and the Victorian era, but today, we are in the time of electricity! Seriously, you guys should inform yourselves about this, you can't let the times run past you!"

"HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE COOLNESS OF FIRE!" Tahu roared. Nobody paid attention to him. Luckily so, because otherwise somebody would have pointed out that fire isn't cool, but very hot indeed. But luckily, that didn't happen.

"I think you got enough on your hands," Feline Freak muttered. "Here, MoN, read this to the Toa for me when you are done with Mister Moderntimes up there. I'll just go off and disappear."

And she did, unnoticed by everyone else in the room.

"Pfft, you cannot achieve anything with fire you cannot achieve with electricity. Look, all fantasy creatures have to update from time to time. Otherwise, they get boring and fall into oblivion. Look at the elves! They are tall, beautiful, perfect! Nobody remembers the tiny little troublemakers they used to be. All that because Tolkien upgraded them! And they are still evolving. Their ears keep getting longer, for one..."

"Is that why we have a new generation of glitter-sparkly vampire-bloodsuckers name-called the Cullens?" Lewa asked.

The dragon's eyes suddenly narrowed and he clutched his glass so tightly it burst.

"Don't. Ever. Mention. The. Cullens." he hissed, sending a murder glance at Lewa, who cowered behing Pohatu.

"Yessir, nossir, won't happen again sir,"

"And now enough talk," the dragon roared. "Bring the food to me, NOW!"

"No!" Tahu snapped.

"Say what?"

"I'm not bringing food to a creature which thinks fire is lame!" Tahu said.

The dragon's eyes narrowed. "You will bring me my food and you will bring it to me NOW!"

"No!"

"Bring me my food!"

"No!"

"Bring me my food! I want my food! I want it now! You are making me angry!" the dragon snarled, puffing himself up.

"I am not bringing you your food! Come and get it yourself!" Tahu snapped, throwing it on the ground.

The dragon roared, stomping both his feet on the ground and throwing the table to the side in a huge tantrum.

"You have to obey me! I dressed you in neon orange suits! You must serve me!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No we don't!"

In the meanwhile, the Takea shark with the Gahlok Kal inside it hit shore. The Gahlok Kal was projected out of the shark's stomach and onto shore. He stopped for a moment to dust himself, then saw that the knives were still chasing after him, and sped off.

"Yes you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No we don't!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No we don't!"

"ENOUGH!" MoN shouted, whacking Tahu and the Dragon over the head with her frying pan. "You two stop fighting now! Dragon, go back to your dungeons or so while you Tahu..."

"Didn't you hear me!" the dragon roared. "I am a modern dragon! I do not live in dungeons anymore!"

"Then in what do you live?"

"I have a two-hundred square meter underground apartment provided with a jacuzzi, satellite TV latest scream love nest and plenty other means of comfort and a direct connection to the main power line," the dragon answered, arms crossed.

"To recharge yourself?"

"No, to provide the city with power. Where do you think I get the money to pay my rent?"

"Well, in that case," MoN said. "You should go back there now! How do you think the people will react after facing a major blackout."

The dragon became very, very white, and disappeared.

"There," MoN said, raising the envelope. "Now, unless you want to face some other updated fantasy creature I suggest we have a look at our mission? Tahu, why are you sulking in a corner?"

"Fire isn't lame..." Tahu mumbled.

"Right, so does anybody have any objections?"

Nobody had.

"Right, so let's have a look at this," MoN said, opening the envelope and adjusting her glasses. "_Onua, my Onua. Even now as I go to sleep I picture your eyes like green emeralds sparkling in the darkness of cold, dirty tunnels. Not that dirt is a bad thing, mind you, for that is your essence, your power, your happiness! And everything that makes you happy is a good thing. I hope, one day, to make you as happy as a nice roll in the mud does. Oh, my Onua, I wish you were here to hold me with your earth-encrusted arms. I need you, I need to snuggle into your embrace like one snuggles into a tomb. I want you to give me lots and lots of muddy kisses everywhere you can, and I want you to give me a wet and muddy... _THAT IS DISGUSTING!" MoN backed away, holding the letter far in front of her. "I want you to give me a... oh god Eeeeew, _with your tongue like an earthworm. _Eeeeew. That's just... Ugh. Really. What the heck Gali?"

"I... I just wanted to use some earth-related adjectives," Gali said, blushing a deep red.

"That's worse than that japanese painting...," Edaj said, trying to get that awful image out of her head. "What is that thing even doing here? That belongs to the first few chapters..."

"Lord, this thing just gets worse and worse as it goes on," MoN muttered. "You'd have to raise the rating of this thing to R for me be able to read this openly... and _bones? _Wait a second Gali, you seriously used a comparison to _bones?_"

"You find those in the earth..." Gali muttered.

"Ugh, ok, listen, let's just get on with this," MoN said. "That was obviously the wrong letter. This must be the right one... yes, this is it. Ok, we have two parts to our mission. The first one is finding Takanuva!"

"Wait, isn't he here with us?" Tahu asked.

"Do you see him anywhere?" MoN asked.

"Right..."

"But wasn't he in the room with us?" Onua asked.

"Did you see him in the narrative once last chapter?"

"True..."

"Our author decided to mysteriously teleport him away at the beginning of the four years," MoN explained. "So no, he wasn't there in the room with you. As for which purpose, it's for you to find out."

**Kopaka: Is that the case?**

**FF: Yep.**

**Kopaka: Funny. I was under the impression that you had forgotten all about him until the end of the chapter, and then had to patch that up.**

**FF: Ssssht! That is a secret that must not be devolved! Besides, it suits me to have forgotten him, I couldn't have had him fat.**

**Tahu: Oh wait, we can use script again?**

**FF: Yep, I'm gone, you see, so you have to use script again so we can have a discussion.**

**Tahu: Oh. I hadn't even realized you were gone!  
**

**FF: I did say I disappeared unnoticed...**

**Onua: It's true. It's up there. Page five.**

**MoN: You do not have pages on fanfiction dot net.**

**Onua: Oh...**

**MoN: Speaking of which... aren't you pushing it a bit to far with the rating?**

**FF: No, why?**

**MoN: Well, that implied thing in the letter... well...**

**FF: The French kiss?**

**MoN: What?**

**FF: The tongue like a worm thing? A French kiss. Disgusting, I admit, but still just a French kiss. Little kids should be able to deal with that, right?**

**MoN: Oh. Yes, well, I suppose... yes. Ok. Everything ok in that case.**

**Resuming...**

**Pohatu: Wait... what's with the japanese painting then?**

**FF: THAT I can't explain. No sorry. That one _would _require a rise in the rating. So, sorry about that, but I'm not going to tell you what Edaj meant by that one.**

**Resuming again...**

"How could we now realize that he wasn't there?" Onua asked. "I mean, Kopaka is never saying a word so not hearing from him is nothing new, but..."

"That's because of the 4 year delay," Ojil explained hidden behind a corner. "It's a bit like waking up from a long sleep, and discovering to have a hangover. Your bodies feel like jello, clumsy, as if they weren't yours. You don't fight as well, your characterizations do not stand out as well. But don't worry, it will be fixed by the next chapter."

**Tahu: Which will be in what? 2020?**

**FF: Just shut up you! You don't have to abuse of script just because it's available again.**

"What he says," said Lijo's voice.

**FF: In short, I am rusty. I'm not used to handling as many things as I used to.**

**Kopaka: Is that why you are writing this before getting back to write Heroes of the Future?**

**FF: I already have written a new chapter of Heroes of the Future, it's much easier than this really. No, I'm just bored.**

**Tahu: Who's abusing of the script now?**

**FF: Oh just shut up will you!**

"Anyhow," MoN continued. "As for the second part. We have to track down the sect of the insane guy from chapter 13."

"Who?"

"Um yeah, I don't think anyone remembers him anymore, Feline Freak didn't remember him either," MoN said. "He is the guy who sang me Happy Birthday because he thought it was September the 19th, when it was really August the 19th, but he wouldn't admit the existence of the month of August anymore because on that month they had lost the battle against the sun."

"Oh, I remember him!" Gali said. "Yes he was annoyed because he hadn't managed to make more light than the sun with his matches."

"Yep, that's him"

"I still don't remember him," Pohatu said.

"Of course, it's fifteen minutes away for us, whereas for you, it's four years," Gali sighed. "I have a feeling that this will get complicated..."

"I have a feeling there is a lot of referencing to previous events going on," Tahu muttered. "I don't like that."

"Anyhow, the aim of our mission is helping him defeat the sun," MoN said.

"Oh, yes. With Takanuva, obviously," Pohatu muttered. "Anyone could figure that one out!"

"Yes, even you figured it out," Edaj sneered.

"Well, so, do we make groups now?" MoN proposed.

"I have a suggestion!" Eli said sweetly.

"We are listening to you, babe," Tahu said, staring at her dreamly.

"Oh well, discussions are closed I guess," Pohatu said. "What Eli commands, Eli will get!"

**FF: That is the entire point, I want to get to the end of this.**

"MoN, Jade, Edaj, Gali and myself, will go off finding those sect freaks," she said. "Us girls will have a much better chance to sneak in among their number, if you get what I mean."

"What if they are chaste?" Lewa asked.

"We will unchaste them! With my power, that should prove easy,"

"What if they are not chaste but on the contrary have lots and lots of love already?" Pohatu asked.

"We will make them love us more!"

"What if they are a homosexual sect?" Onua asked. Everyone turned to look at him

"I'm not sure you are allowed to use homosexuals in a PG-rated fanfic..." MoN said.

"But that's discrimination!" Jade gasped.

"Yeah but one of the implicit reasons FF sped time for us in our room was that our alternative to "dying of boredom" would have been the entire opposite... more or less," MoN explained. "But, she couldn't mention that in a PG rated fanfic!"

"Does she really care anymore?" Jade asked. "I mean, with the letter and all..."

"That was just a French kiss, Jade, it fits in the rating,"

"Oh,"

"Anyhow, back to team distribution," Eli piped. "Kopaka will go look for Takanuva. Whereas all you fat babies will train here until you are back in shape and capable of fighting!"

"Hey wait!" Tahu protested. "Why does Kopaka get to have all the glory? I disagree with this."

"Oh come on Tahu, you know it's for the greater good," Eli said, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Eli, you are a total babe... but my pride and will to be better than Kopaka goes beyond my love for you,"

"Oh..."

"Unless, of course, you state you love me back!"

"Um... no," Eli sighed. "It's not a question of Kopaka being better than you... except he is right now. You would never be able to keep up with him in that body! And he wold definitely not wait for you."

"Um... you have a point..."

"Good, now that we have agreed on that, we might as well..."

"I have finished it!" great-grandmother Manny cried, holding up triumphantly the bright red pullover.

"Oh, I had forgotten about her," Tahu said.

**Kopaka: And speaking of people being forgotten about...**

**FF: No, I had not forgotten about her. I was just too lazy to write her any lines.**

**Kopaka: That's not what it's about. Lijo & Ojil, earlier on. I didn't see them come through the door with us.**

**FF: You don't have to, they just pop up where they are needed.**

**Kopaka: So you didn't just forget they were in the cookie room with us and then had them randomly reappear?**

**FF: No. Well, maybe, but it doesn't matter anyhow.**

**Kopaka: I stay unconvinced.**

**FF: Well, convince yourself!**

"I have finally finished this wonderful sweater," great-grandmother Manny said, smiling sweetly like only old ladies know how. "Now, who will be the lucky one to wear it?"

No one answered.

"Oh come, on, don't be shy, you already know it's you, my little Kop-koppy-kopkop darling!"

"Kop-koppy-kopkop?" Tahu raised an eyebrow. Kopaka tried to slowly make his way towards the exit...

"Oh don't sneak away you!" great-grandmother Manny was on his side in a second, forcing the sweater over his head with a force only great-grandmothers have. "You are always dealing with all 'em cold breezes... you must cover yourself up!"

"Er thanks grandma, but you see, this sweater, as much as I love it... the color..."

"Oh you are not going to start complaining about the colour are you?" great-grandmother Manny asked. "Red suits you! You are so pale... red is nice and lively. It will be nice change!"

"Er..."

Tahu was fighting hard not to burst out laughing.

"Look! It's already bringing some colour to your cheeks!" great-grandmother Manny gave him a wedgie on the side of his mask and then said. "Now, I have to go. But I will be back soon, don't worry!" She suddenly frowned and turned towards Kopaka again, giving him a stern look. "Don't you _dare_ try and get rid of that sweater while I am away! And keep covered! Or my wrath will be upon you!" The she started smiling again. "I will have a splendid scarf for you when I get back!"

And with that, she flew off and disappeared.

No one said a word. Tahu was bent in two in the effort of not laughing, which is not easy when you have the physique of a ball.

"Let's just go," Kopaka said, striding out the door.

"Good bye Kop-Koppy-ko..."

The ice beam that came through the open door only missed Tahu by a few centimeters, and only because Eli had deviated. Tahu would have been nowhere near fast enough to dodge it now.

Then the girls left as well. Before walking through the door, MoN turned back to the remaining Toa, saying. "Don't worry too much, I'm sure FF will find you a great trainer. You know how she is."

The she walked through, leaving the four obese Toa to ponder on their future.

"So... now what?" Pohatu asked.

"I _said _fat jokes were going to be lame," Lewa grumbled.

"We need someone to train us!" Onua said. "Someone expert in the art of fighting!"

"Oh yeah!" Lewa said happily. "Like a kung-fu master!"

"Oh yes Lewa, what a wonderful idea!" Tahu grumbled. "Exactly how many fat people have you heard of who get trained by kung fu masters and managed to keep it up? Say?"

As if to answer his question... no, let me correct myself. In the exact purpose of answering his question, the ground shook, and a large creature appeared in the doorway. It had a large round belly, and a somewhat dim smile on his face.

He was a panda.

Tahu's face dropped.

"Hello," the panda said. "My name is Po."

Tahu looked at the panda for a long, loong moment.

"FELINE FREAK I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"


End file.
